The Vegan Outlaw’s Tale

I’m a skinny vegan outlaw trained on green salads who got whupped by angry steroid shooters

Attacked with only my meditative silence and was drowned out by the social media buzz

Found that all my careful recycling had been so jimmied up that it just made stuff cost more

Asked could they just please enforce the laws as I stood quietly outside of their closed doors

I set them factory chickens free but they was too modified to fly and too heavy to walk away

Tore the Cheetos right from them fat little kids orange fingers and they commenced to swearin

Tried to give em broccoli and carrots but they stoned me with em like some Taliban adulteress

Smoked that organic weed a quarter puff at a time and lost all my focus on our nation’s enemies

Jacked up my Hybrid, painted it camouflage and played an mp3 of a diesel pickup truck real loud

Stayed right on the edge of the road even though they threatened my bike with their big SUVs

Defiantly sought food with less salt, sugar and fat, though I wondered why it cost so much more

Spoke right up about feedlots and slaughterhouses but only drew a volley of sardonic laughter

Took to savin water on my lawn until the home owners association threatened me with foreclosure

Conservatives wrote me off to the lunatic fringe for dissing unregulated factory fishing fleets

Was arrested for Duty Interference when I told two fat cops that donuts led to diabetes

Actually refused free beer if it was that hyped factory sewage pimped by the NFL and NASCAR

Stopped my angry macho posturing as that tofu shrank my muscles and softened my brain

Even cast away my suits and ties, deodorants, shower gels, teeth whiteners and body lotions

No All-Natural chicken fingers or dyed and processed, artificially-smoked meat byproduct logs for me

Couldnt drink anything but a little red wine once them one-worlders was done re-educatin me

Grew blind and deaf to grave terrorist threats due to my narrow focus on local sustainability

Offered the obese some fresh fruit but they just threw it down beside their empty soda cans

People-to-people outreach punctured the hot-air boogeymen hydra they floated all around us

Ate the snow that landed on my tongue even though TV said it was loaded with modern toxins

Was smirkingly-ignored for condemning landfills full of fast food castoffs, aluminum and glass

Branded Soft On Defense for noting that we spend more than all the other countries combined

Turned off my TV but kept on paying for cable, left my cellphone at home for $100 a month

Reared back on my hind legs and even refused to memorize sports stats and catchy ad slogans

They briefly observed my quiet contemplation and knowingly pronounced it boring and stupid

Dreamed of beating their lame, noisy, smoking ATVs and snowmachines into tiny electric cars

Sure, I stopped taking them sawdust fiber supplements and adulterated Chinese multivitamins

Crazily mouthed off right in public that if the animals dont have no souls, then neither do we

Recklessly wanted to gamble all of our futures on clean energy and sustainable agriculture

Got so far out as to even begin to ask why illegal workers got arrested but not their bosses

Reneged on my patriotic duty to charge ever more useless shit I did not need and could not afford

Passively rejected the whole wack scenario by flouting their One True God’s edict to multiply

At Least We'll All Be Gone

That grab-it-now gouging at the face and guts of the earth will have to stop quite soon

That utter waste of building things with which only to kill and destroy, that surely ends as well

Not much longer will all these river systems simply be used by us solely as convenient drains

At least our incessant, foolish, noisy, advertising braying can’t go on forever

Happily, the car salesmen, real estate agents, lawyers and bankers will also disappear, real soon

Thank god that any day now we’ll stop making pointless noise just because we think we can

At least we’ve unknowingly but irrevocably rushed beyond many decisive tipping points

In any case, blowing shit up in celebration will be forgotten in a very short geologic timeframe

The fall of our lamely-glitzed entertainment empire will be a most pleasant side-effect

At least our wasteful but paranoid night lights will be replaced once more by honest darkness

At a minimum, we can rejoice in the eternal loss of the invisible wisdom of our corporate fathers

Thankfully, politicians will no longer read speechesn that their donors had others write for them

At least no more toxic wastes will be illegally dumped secretly, but profitably, in the night

Fool treehuggers wont have to feel responsible for killing off recently-cataloged, unstudied species

Happily the refrain of ‘too expensive in jobs and money’ won’t ever be voiced again

Healthcare rationing will no longer be a worry as both patients and providers rapidly decline

Maybe the ocean will re-attain its balance far more quickly than greenie whiners ever said

Luckily, its impossible for us to expunge every single living cell on this entire planet

At most only 99% of all the amphibians will be poisoned, infected or bulldozed into oblivion

At least the malls will decompose quickly and the McMansions will be rapidly overgrown

In any case, squishes wont be around to whine about how much they miss those stupid songbirds

Adieu to the mass plunder of simple faith by fictional religions twisted to greedy ends

At least the end of corporate-created, artificially-induced over-consumption is close at hand

One good by-product is the silencing of our loud pride in our willful ignorance and illiteracy

Officials wont need expensive fictions to justify preemptively-defensive wars of liberation

At least tons of foolishly wasted reusable resources will no longer be buried with our toxic wastes

The omnipresent backbeat of political and advertising propaganda will fall silent at last

Finally, the Jews and all their many enemies will lay down together in an everlasting peace

At least all of us wont have to pay for yet another of their foolish financial meltdowns

Happily, our teens wont text a thousand empty but expensive messages per week

Our emissions will be cut to nothing without any intrusive regulations or wasteful taxes

We can stop ignoring the fact that our own overpopulation causes almost all of our problems

Mercifully, more 14 hour per day Chinese wage slaves living 20 to a room won’t be needed

Amen to death to any infidels choosing incorrectly from our many fictional One True Gods

Without regrets, the end of our holocaust against the domestic animals will come to pass

At least, it will be quite obvious that we cannot shortchange any more future generations

Paradoxically Praying For Reason

Praying to be able to use Your gift of reason to evade the faiths we invented, now used to control us

Trusting in god to permit us to co-exist with all the false-god tricked infidels filling his world

Beseeching him to allow us to stumble upon our own good solutions at our own slow pace

Hoping ‘He’ need not bother to take the time to watch over us at every single moment, 24x7x365

Asking for the blessing of logic to fight off the polished spin of smarmy religious propagandists

Reveling in the wonders, but not mindlessly labeling random tragedies as his unfathomable will

Casting off the myth of some mysterious plan which we must accept, but cannot ever understand

Seeking freedom from mind-numbing, rote-memory fundamentalist literalism, of any stripe

Paradoxically praying that the siege of science by dogmatic religions will somehow be lifted

Asking him to permit us to recreate the worn out legends we have so warped and attributed to him

Pleading to be freed from the psychic bondage they control us with, in his fictional name

Working towards salvation from abusive dogma via reproducible and peer-reviewed results

Casting a blind eye on religious monuments while looking closely within at our empty mystery

Rejecting their narrow and self-centered myth of eternal souls, granted only to we humans

Praying their religious franchises go bankrupt but their churches at last be put to some good use

Calling out the power-hungry who would use our simple need to faith to their own greedy ends

Searching for strength to cast off their easy answers and face the existential questions we fear most

Praying for a faith that does not seek to control us thru ignorance, fear and superstition

Seeking great human wisdom, but not revealed truth in that good literature of scripture

Begging these gods we call love not to order that we smite one another once again, in their names

Asking him to halt the lame demand, mouthed in every political speech that he bless this country

Needing his wisdom to stop righteously killing one another over fictional religions we alone invented

Looking for true inspiration while rejecting wornout fairytales and sighing over children’s prayers

Replacing comic certitude with lonely wailing, shoulder to shoulder, like wolves under cold stars

Praying for reason that we shall not be tricked into misplacing our precious faith once again

Probing for answers without any guidance from an infallible pope’s pompous pronouncements

Placing our belief in mysteries we lack the tools to study or the wisdom to understand

Throwing off their twisted dictums arising from frightened foolishness beaten into revered tradition

Mocking their pomp and pretense while unmasking their empty threats of silly perdition

Combing their worn-out, corny fatwas and ridiculous encyclicals for new comedy sketches

Choosing rationalism over scripture despite the dubious loss of their gilded, antique heavens

Respecting their ancient wisdom but rejecting those who use it now merely as a means to power

Condemning them to publicly self-critique their horrid jihads and crusades as they serve the poor

Chanting mindless rosary mantras to free our minds from the stale doctrines to which they bound us

Praying for reason to cast off their self-granted holy rationalization of ongoing immoral acts

Discovering that a religion must be discarded just like any no longer credible scientific theory

Not In Our Exceptionist Backyard

Let the damn fool Euros go off and smash them whatever hadrons together, anyways

Wont find the tallest skyscrapers anywhere close to this proudly neglected urban blight

Not Even building the largest dams ta produce the most hydroelectric power around here

Ain’t taking the lead in some kind of flaky asteroid investigation mission, either, dammit

Don’t be looking for no far-too-expensive high speed rail in this here one nation under god

That next-gen thorium powerplant wont get built close to our artificially green backyards

My hopey-dopey-changey neighbor’s new solar panels are from china, not sunny SoCal

The greedy innovators of our banking geniuses aren’t backing no micro-finance revolution here

Not foolish enough to tax carbon emissions and threaten our mighty, yet oh-so fragile economy

Waitin on them Asians to ship us tiny, efficient cars that meet our new economic stations

We’re flocking overseas for treatment despite our havin the Worlds Finest Healthcare System

Listen, our kids dont need to be in the global top 10 in reading, math or science ta lead the world

Lettin others innovate that expensive smart power grid before we buy into it  - from them

Energy efficiency and buildin to last is simply not part of our Traditional Family Values®

Just get all them foreign PhDs on back outta here to teach and research and do startups at home

Our agribusiness don’t need ta lead globally by example in protecting precious farming topsoil

Wont find that worlds fastest internet in my neighborhood, not by a long shot, no Siree

Not even trying to produce like more food using less water, fertilizer and pesticides

But we are energetically increasing both our illiteracy and incarceration rates at the same time

Turnin our backs on reason, science and education just as fast as any heathen ayrab foreigners

Lettin our once-good drinking water poison us even as them Bangladeshis finally get clean wells

Nudgin our offshored multitudes towards the peasant lifestyle as Asians take to our former level

Not even demonstratin the benefits of diet, exercise and clean living to the whole world

Arent leading globally in bringing solar, wind and geothermal energy online either, by god

Satisfied back in the international pack in life expectancy, nutrition and infant mortality

Caint create the better jobs they promised when they reaped huge bonuses fer outsourcing us

Spineless coalition building aint catching on with us, the proudly polarized and paralyzed

Wont find none of our giant gas-guzzlers on the jammed streets of any crowded Asian city

Aren’t giving up our global lead in obesity, diabetes and hypertension, no way, not on your life

Proud to stand up against this costly, intrusive, messy and socialistic recycling hoax

Don’t ever bet on us not spending more on arms than all the rest of them losers combined

Aren’t building the newest ships here to bring over our imported oil and electronic gizzies

Replacing manufacturing with no-benefit, poverty-level service jobs faster than them all

Focusing on important issues like flag burning, abortion, gay rights, school prayer and gun laws

Not signing on ta this sustainability scam with the wack and weak-kneed one-worlders

Relying on god and the free marketplace for solutions, not their tired, failed social planning crap

Blindfolded Republican Social Optimization

Our sacred property rights guarantee we can bulldoze no-money-down land for short-term profits

Nobody would even dare raise the immoral question of taxing our sacred religious franchises

The government cannot alter our blessed constitutional rights by banning assault weapons

Earnings go to private enterprise and pointless cleanup is simply intrusive liberal over-regulation

Christ belongs within our government – But you best keep the damn government out of our business

Abortion is a mortal sin but our 4 in 10 fatherless children can be ignored as simply God’s Will

Federal agencies can freely invade any citizen’s privacy and, yes, they may do so in utmost secrecy

Habitat and species preservation are not the responsibility of either government or business

Even if it were not a junk science hoax, climate change is far too complex and expensive to address

We do not torture but know that advanced interrogation methods saved thousands of American lives

You must believe that our bailouts prevented the collapse of the world economy into depression

Spending more on our military than all other countries combined is unquestionably beyond discussion

It is my god-given constitutional right to use an idling 5 ton SUV as my own personal air-conditioner

Regulating and taxing marijuana would surely increase hard drug use and lead to further moral decay

Expenses of clean air and water are neither the concern of business nor the province of government

Fostering profit-motivated solutions will ensure the best healthcare for our poor, sick and elderly

Free market-based pursuit of individual and corporate happiness blindly optimizes our family lives

Voluntary industry guidelines are far more effective than any heavy-handed government regulation

Though evolution is an unproven theory, survival of the fittest does apply to our free enterprise

We may blithely discount the opinions and beliefs of foreigners from our god-granted higher ground

Inviting industry leaders to create government policy behind closed doors fosters democracy

Globalization is inevitable and leads almost altruistically to different lives for everyone

Clean coal is a viable and green, thrifty and quick solution to attain our energy independence

The economic benefits of tax breaks for the richest trickle down to lift the disadvantaged below

Look, the bible plainly states that marriage is a contract, valid only between a man and a woman

We are duty-bound to increase our population to counter the growth of our potential enemies

We are a nation of laws - Laws that we may footnote with signing statements and failure to fund

Outsourced workers must take Personal Responsibility for their own retirement and healthcare needs

Companies must shed their pension obligations to remain competitive in the global marketplace

We must pay closeted CEOs millions or we will lose their immeasurable but irreplaceable talent

We feel we are getting the same engineering expertise overseas at a mere fraction of the cost

Our nonrefundable bonuses based on short term stock price clearly enhance the future of society

Voluntary recycling is a merit badge decision which remains of dubious value to any free society

Real estate developers and their salesmen work conscientiously to better all of our futures

Entrepreneurs who hire illegales do not contribute to some non-violent takeover of our land

All of our exceptionist policies are based upon the reality of our status as god’s one chosen people

What is That All-Natural Shit We’re Eating?

It’s Mechanically-Separated chicken

What’s in that cellophane really with its list of polysyllabic ingredients, 35 chemicals long?

Just look at that snack of extruded meat byproducts, blister-packed for your grab and go pleasure

Your nutritional needs as efficiently distributed as any mass produced Chinese Wal*Mart plastic

Ever more clever ways of coloring up hydrogenated oils, corn syrup and lots of good old salt

Says this pre-fab energy bar is ‘All-Natural’ – Well, so is the stuff I flush down the toilet

They pick their cage-grown ‘Atlantic’ salmon’s appetizing color off some chemical salesman’s chart

Their healthy organic produce was groped by illegales with diarrhea and unwashed hands

That juicy hamburg has been profitably extended using internals they used to simply throw away

That factory is full of salmonella, rats and roaches but they call their product peanut butter

Their chicken was raised as humanely as their corpro-exec brothers stamp out outsourced auto parts

How is it that all of that nutritionless shit crowding the many snack aisles could be so fattening?

Look at these happily grazing kids, safely shielded from holocaust-style feed lots and slaughterhouses

Why do you need sawdust fiber and Chinese vitamins if your meals are so healthy and nutritious?

Did you notice the same grimy trucks delivering institutional fodder to all your favorite restaurants?

What really makes you overstuff yourself with those too-bright, agent-orange colored Cheetos?

Ever wonder why the bread is so pusy soft that it rips when you just try to spread some fake butter?

How is it that you prefer sugar-enhanced, artificially-flavored snacks to simple fresh fruits?

What ingredients are preserving those ugly layers of fat swelling your body from head to extremity?

Probably all those pesticides just get washed off and we never eat or retain them either, right?

The mass suffering of our meat animals is invisible beneath their clear and sterile wrappers

Surely it’s rational economics that BigMacs are cheaper than green salads made at home

Un-inspected, off-shored, cost-cutting ingredients surely bring only low price benefits to consumers

What is really important to the dairy industry is more milk output per production unit at lower cost

So they feed them grain they cant digest and shoot them full of antibiotics when they sicken

What was that shit in those colorful plastic wrappers that we find carelessly strewn everywhere?

So you don’t read the nutritional information because you can’t understand it, right?

After all, they didn’t raise their prices, they just silently decreased the contents a little bit

Invisible, but rich, food conglomerate CEOs surely care more about you than say, the bankers

Its not evil to hook and fatten kids on bubbly, nutritionless, black, sugary, caffeinated water

Anyway, what could all those spots be, in that red shit they are calling turkey pepperoni?

Rest assured that cutting costs and raising profits rhymes with safe and healthy food

Don’t think about obscenely large-breasted turkeys who can barely stand, much less ever mate

Ignore pig shit, cow patties and chicken wastes and their doctored contents in your tap water

Don’t ask why they genetically engineer and patent crops to resist their own pesticides

Just listen to their warm messages about feeding the world and ignore their global price fixing

What is that funky bluish shit inside that grease-coated donut you just gobbled yet another one of?

Don’t fret over subsidizing corn syrup to fatten us all up and then having to pay for all our diabetes

So, just what is that poisoned, fatty, mass-produced shit we nervously shovel down day in & day out?

Maintaining Our Sacred Dumbocracy

Commend a contempt for any literacy

Cultivate their urge to violence

Enhance the foreign boogeymen

Promote the artificial spectacle

Distract with empty franchised sport

Bury cryptic legalese within fine print

Foster distrust of long-term planning

Dumb down their grades and tests

Play soothing background music

Show peaceful family pictures

Leave journalism to the advertisers

Stay focused on short-term costs

Control science thru political debate

Finance their spot in a fuzzy heaven

Concoct hot-button litmus tests

Pit your enemies against our families

Seed the media with paid spokesmen

Stick to short hyperbolized sound bites

Read canned speeches with great passion

Relentlessly remain on simple, concocted messages

Paint all the issues in black or white

Celebrate with colorful, noisy waste

Always portray them as His Chosen People

Pretend to own the higher moral ground

Belittle those who go in-depth

Substitute tweets for editorials

Forgo plot for special effects

Help them to be dependent on illegal labor

Reward them richly for gutting industr

Label air, water and soil as ignorable externalities

Equate blind greed with patriotism

Cite tradition but ignore real history

Anoint Social Darwinism as god’s will

Call bankers ourA Best and Brightest

Keep fast food and cold beer cheap

Promise them that their kids shall lead the world

What Could We Possibly Tell The Kids?

How do I stop them as they are toddling towards the shore of that vulgarly poisoned pond

What do I say when they ask where all of that trash on the side of the road comes from

How do I explain why the sky is a dirty brown so often when we are riding to their school

Help me to fit the filthy homeless we see downtown into our rosy picture of family life

How do I spin this dust and grime into a happily ever after that a simple little kid can buy

I need a way to say we just can’t afford to try and deal with climate change right now

Let me convince them that baby jesus knows everything but still let that Bambi get run over

What do I say when they ask why our putrid river doesn’t look like the pretty ones on TV

I need a good story about why we have to live in this tiny apartment after our foreclosure

How do I compete with all the slick ads they have seen when we are out grocery shopping

How can I actually convince them that homework is more important than texting friends

Why should they listen to me when they see me raging so uselessly at the endless traffic

What lessons can I impart to bring sense to this vast de-construction we call our progress

What do I tell them when they show me pictures of songbirds that no longer visit our yard

Why would they need to study hard to get into college if Dad just keeps being outsourced

How do I show them that our god speaks the truth but all others are false idols to be smashed

How do I sell them that healthcare competition gives us a choice of ERs when they’re sick

Why would they want to eat anything but colorful, sugar-filled, fat-ridden, salty, fast foods

What do I tell them when they say they hate those dirty kids who don’t speak any English

How would I make them actually prefer reading to playing first person shooter games

How can I convince them that it wasn’t always just mud, garbage, broken glass and dog goo here

Help me create a story about being too tired just getting the family by to try and save the world

Give me a child’s takeaway for the shopping carts filled with castoffs being pushed on city streets

Show me how to spin this bleak joblessness into a wondrous chance to be with Daddy all day

What do I tell them when they ask me where our water comes from and our poopie goes

What am I supposed to do when their teachers fill them with guilt over our CO2 emissions

How do I weave those poor frogs with 3 legs into our family tale where everything is beautiful

Help me explain why the school says we must make them take their ‘vitamin’ every day

I need to convince them that once our garbage is out of sight it can stay out of their minds

They must internalize that we are the victims of the unplanned effects of our own scripted actions

They cannot view our grooming products as causing fish some kind of icky reproductive issues

They mustn’t connect our neighborhood runoff with the toxic brew that is nearby surface water

Let me explain to them why we must bail out the banks but not the solar companies

Work with me to show them why it’s OK to toss out so much stuff after every trip to McDonalds

Prove to them its better to go play outside than to sit snacking enjoying electronic entertainment

Sell them on employers that will discard them forever at 50 to a society of Personal Responsibility

Holistic Conservative Economic Initiatives

Forgotten quick-fixes from that Great Recession

If we can just get the banks to start lending again surely everything will bounce right back

With a few less job losses our futures will all seem just as dazzlingly bright as they always used to

When the stock market gets turned around, everything will be just peachy once again

We’ll get the housing sector moving and then we’ll be back once more on our merry way

When we unfreeze the credit markets that oh-so vital consumer spending will rebound

If we can just keep mortgage rates down good old real estate can regain its momentum

We’ll see upticks in the RV, ATV, snowmobile and boat industries when confidence returns

Families can drive to Disneyland in new Cash For Clunkers cars while paying record low gas prices

We’ve got to hold the line on utility costs so homes can be kept at 65º all summer long

Subsidizing without any strings attached the institutions we deem too big to fail should get us moving

If we can just reduce lender uncertainty over possible regulations, credit will flow freely again

We can get back to mid-morning lattes and eating out 3 times a week under such bold initiatives

Stopping well shy of any real reform will help keep the sainted investment banks afloat

We cannot threaten a fragile recovery with the ominous shadow of intrusive government regulation

Printing scads of new money should jumpstart our sacred and all-important economy, once again

If we can just get retail sales moving our cycle of consumer borrowing on Asian imports can resume

If we can just get the economy back on track, we may even be able to take up some other issues

Granting federal money at 0% interest will surely convince the big banks to lend once again

We’ll also go ahead and guarantee the loans they make with the money that we give them

Right now we just need to remain totally fixed upon increasing GDP for this current quarter

Retaining focus on core economic issues must remain our single most important priority

If we can just boost consumer confidence they’ll save us by charging more imported big-screens

We’d like to see the tweenie mall spending rate start bumping upwards once again

Jittery markets just might stabilize with massive infusions of new cash, so we’ll try it

After all the bailout have been distributed, we might even discuss gaining control of the deficit

With a little more time, surely the free market will develop a profitable healthcare solution

If we can just remove their debt, dealer and pension obligations, car builders will flourish

Postponing expensive emissions actions for just a little while will give us some breathing room

We simply need to calmly stroke those jittery markets with gentle and reassuring financial voices

Those flighty hairdressers and decorators who control stock prices just hate all this uncertainty

Providing the merest bit of economic light should quash this unproductive consumer saving trend

If we can just get back to spending more than we earn, surely we can go on living happily ever after

It Ain’t My Libtard Place

How you choose to burn the fuel you’ve by God paid for ain’t no freekin concern of mine

It ain’t none of my business how much noise your gas-powered toys jam down everbody’s ears

I shouldn’t mention that your emissions foul the air for myself and all of our descendants

I just need to shut the fuck up about your so-called recreation destroying our precious national lands

It ain’t my place to say you don’t need a shoddy but retail-outlet-sized house for 4 people

Who am I to tell you to help curb overpopulation by limiting your precious children?

How dare I suggest our traditional values to be merely some recently ginned-up political advertising?

On which socialist authority do I demand that you lose a few pounds of your pseudo-muscular fat?

I shouldn’t say that we don’t have a god-given right to cheap goods made by asian slave labor

By whose socialist decree do I try and make you go out and do some boring and stupid exercise?

It takes me a lot of gall to say your kids should learn grammar and spelling before they start texting

How dare I put the ecosystems that support us all in front of your good jobs and family welfare?

It ain’t my business if you choose to use your idling truck for an overweight personal air-conditioner

By what right do I ask you to turn down the music after you paid to get into this here campground?

it takes me a lotta cowardly nerve to say that we need to drastically reduce military spending

It’s way elitist of me to contend that you’ll only ever fight global warming with your thermostats

It ain’t my place to criticize a bailout for your over-leveraged, underwater home loan

Who gave me the authority to demand that you drive some skinny vegan electric car?

Why should I think you should take interest in world events instead of watching NFL and NASCAR?

I got no right to make you give up double meat bacon cheeseburgers or yer 40 oz, Mountain Dew

It ain’t my business that you drive alone to the cube farm in an SUV built for 8 obese adults

How dare I to mutter yer one true god don’t bless America and we really ain’t his one chosen people?

It ain’t any of my concern that Ponzi finance traders make 19000 times more than average folks

Why should I actually care if the future is over-populated, strip-mined, poisoned and always at war?

It ain’t my job to preach that we used up the resources needed to pay the debts we leave behind

Who am I to judge our closeted corporate leaders who may well be full of eternal wisdom?

Why would I think farmers know better than bonus-driven BigAg execs about sustainable methods?

What gives me the right to reset economic priorities based on junk science and fuzzy math scams?

I can’t arrest you for dropping your food wrappers and smoky butts wherever you see fit

It ain’t up to me to get all in up in your face about your comically-wornout, fairytale religions

Nobody appointed me to tell you that you waste all our resources just wasting your precious time

How can I even dare to suggest that them krauts and frenchies might possibly even have a clue?

Who told me I could pester you with this socialist nonsense of climate change and mass extinctions?

It ain’t my place to bore you with trivial details when there’s something good on the big screen

What the hell was I thinking anyway, trying to tell you what’s right and wrong for you to eat?

No need to listen when I say either all of god’s life forms have a soul or none of us actually can

Veil Of Marketing Illusion

Ongoing deep discounts, sales, clearances and special offers build a sense of permanence

Continuous anticipation of quickly-forgotten weekends, holidays and vacations sustains us

The very newest constantly beckons us forward into a quite-obviously, endless tomorrow

A thousand advertisements draw each of us warmly into that timeless consumer firelight

Soothing background music hypnotically imprints us with eternal marketing mantras

Careful spins reformat issues into sound bites that the average 3^rd grader can easily digest

Within this media immersion, we dream ourselves passing thru eternity at these daily lives

Homogenized spokesmen blend seamlessly to envelop us in an easily-accepted and secure cocoon

Our lifestyles have reached a permanent climax in the pleasure-seeking 3 minute present

We pre-consciously dismiss evidence contradicting the eternal happily-ever-after diorama

The circle of family and friends bonds us tightly to a shared dream of unending belonging

The void lies almost totally obscured and unconsidered behind our colorful veil of illusion

We need only strive thru all time at becoming the beautiful models their ads portray for us

The infinite circle of merchant-stoked holidays fosters in us a comforting notion of immortality

Together we tread the great wheel of relaxation, refreshment and entertainment

And our bright mega-churches finance a seamless transition to a familiar eternal paradise

Next week’s episodes draw us forward smoothly without any static-filled interruptions

Stopping to smell the roses as we grab the gusto while living for today totally occupies us

The unknowable actual number of our iterations allows us to assume we perform an infinite loop

Cuddly and warm images help obscure the sharply-tattered edges that we must rightly ignore

The afterlife is marketed as the ultimate in all-inclusive vacations in a truly eternal paradise

Those who pass away are expensively packaged for the exciting but safe trip to come

Our powerful mass hypnosis mostly keeps any consciousness of the eternal void at bay

The rapid pace of change obscures well the tiny hourglass filling in right over top of us

The nattering of bobbing media heads lulls us into a comfortable sense of security

Advertiser-safe news holds our focus adjusted safely inside the blinders they so cannily provide

The cartoon theme of Personal Responsibility keeps the disaffected securely in the game

Sacrificing our reason frees us from agitating contemplation of any cracks in the mirror

There is absolutely no reason to think that this consumer lifestyle cycle will ever cease

We walk this treadmill seeing a well-lit and unending path towards the happily-ever-after

Socialists and creationists equally shielded from the near absolute zero of utter black emptiness

Even on our deathbeds we rest assured of an eternal well-being within these shared illusions

Please Help The Bankers

‘To date, no executives have faced prosecution for the widespread mortgage fraud that fueled the bubble’ - billmoyers.com

We’ve got to help the bankers for they’ve always been here for us during our times of need

Stood right there fighting by our sides with us, whenever the financial seas got rough

Weren’t afraid to go to bat for us even if it meant going out on a limb in terms of their own risk

Had our best interests right next to their hearts as they wisely greased the economic skids

Helped ensure sure we stayed on track with the savings we needed for our retirement

Looked beyond their personal gain to the good of our families and our blessed land

Did not scan us merely for short-term profit potential but rather helped us as neighbors and friends

Most probably they often let deals go untaken if they did not help further community interests

Greeted us by name when we walked in and kept our home loans safely guarded, right here in town

Lived just like the other honest folks and had the same dreams as us normal families

They surely did not let computer models back at corporate HQ make their lending decisions

Now it’s our turn to help them out a bit so together we can all get back on track again

Weren’t blinded by greed for the outlandish bonuses given for ruining all of our futures

Didn’t wrap No-Income, No-Job, No-Asset loans in fake TripleA tranches to sell to insurance trusts

Wouldn’t pay clueless 20 something, so-called, financial engineers millions for CDO con schemes

Never avoided all regulation by saying it stifled their creative innovation in free financial markets

Never crowned themselves as the best and the brightest, too-big-to-fail, masters of the universe

They certainly wouldn’t use gov’t bailout money for mergers while foreclosing upon their friends

Come on everybody let’s pull together: Banks are the circulation system of a healthy economy

Anyway, we all have some problems every now and then, so please, no finger-pointing

Neighbors at your local bank actually aren’t simply puppets of greedy New York financiers

They didn’t give themselves billions in bonuses for gambling on dicey hedges and derivatives

Wouldn’t help themselves to bailout money bonuses while tightening up on your loan standards

We must help them or, as they say, it will get so much worse than you could ever imagine

Weren’t so foolish as to leverage all of us into bankruptcy based on a voodoo finance risk model

But you really can’t blame them for taking some advantage of artificially low interest rates

After all, their own loans didn’t ratchet up out of sight even before the ink was printed on the paper

Oh, no, it wasn’t them that hid old car debt in new and already underwater auto leases

They never masked home equity loans covering credit card debt as profitable re-financing plays

It wasn’t them who drove the market for penthouses and luxury goods sky high with their bonuses

They didn’t immediately dump un-scrutinized loans for a fat profit and then totally disown them

They would never have made billions hedging heavily on the failure of their very own investment funds

Our town bankers wouldn’t grant loans without credit checks and income verification

Their CEOs didn’t hide trillions in unregulated CDOs and under-audited derivatives

They didn’t collectively freeze up in fear that their peers’ secret assets were also worthless

We must help the bankers now because it’s certainly obvious that they would do the same for us

Hello, Habla Freaking Inglés

Don’t need to pay for your damn translators at the hospitals and our clinics

Traiga un amigo si no lo comprendes

Don’t want all the signs to be in multiple languages

Mira el televisor en inglés y puedes aprender

Cant afford to pay extry ta teach yas in Spanish at our underfunded schools

De todos modos, tus niños no han sido los mejores de estudiantes

And where’s the benefit to all of society, any damn way

Se cuesta mucho y se divide los ciudanos, pero no vale nada

You got no right to illegally enter and then make us use yer stupid language

Mis abuelos fueron de Europa, pero nosotros hablamos solamente inglés aquí

Hey, but go ahead and preserve it among yourselves as much as you want

¿O son Uds. simplemente perezozos?

Hear spanish for stuff to buy, but not when working with, or for, the government

Y no tienes que hacer negocios con gente que no hablan español, si no quieres

Or are you simply stupider and lazier than all the other previous immigrants?

Nosotros no teníamos la excusa que no había tiempo para aprender

We don’t need 2 languages, we have one and it’s already the world’s lingua franca

Desde que tus español no es de alta calidad, ¿porque no aprendas buen inglés?

You got way too much nerve, trying to carve out a separate society right here among us

No necesitamos un invasíon de tus cultura campesinos, ya tenemos bastante problemas

Look, we’ll adopt a few phrases and what not, but you gotta to assimilate into English

Esta no es una regla nueva directada unicamente contra Uds.

If they speak multiple languages where you came from, what were the benefits?

Y, si tienes que ir al otro pais para trabajar, tendrás la lengua que habla todo el mundo

Hasta la vista

God Granted Me This Fairytale Serenity

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change”

I note, freed of that dark anxiety, the global mass extinction our over-existence nurtures every day

Calmly I accept the reality of a hotter, drier, dustier and dirtier world, where we all must live

No more do I trouble my mind over CO2 levels to which I must contribute but cannot control

I pursue zenlike tranquility, emptying my mind by flipping channels thru potentially anxious nights

Unregulated exotic chemicals in our drinking water can no longer disturb my meditative state

I placidly accept the degradation, poisoning and erosion of our precious soil by industrial agriculture

Loss of habitat does not threaten me, as I twitter safe and warm here in my techno-burrow

I gaze into that hazy and starless urban night with what I can construe to be a quiet satisfaction

There is a blind equanimity to be found in simply ignoring the poverty and suffering of others

Deep media immersion smothers and deafens any anxiety which might falsely overcome me

In a benignly-induced trance, I emptily partake of our grisly and unsustainable food chain

Verily does my true spirit rise above the ever-knottier cluster constituting our irreversible advance

God granted me the serenity to shut the hell up, bend over and take all that which I cannot change

I sagely accept that selfish vanity, greed and insecurity are key traits of modern day leaders

Endlessly repeating the simple mantra of You Cant Stop Progress properly spins my spiritual journey

I quietly condone piling debt on their futures while we waste the resources they need to pay them

I have learned that worry over our huge number of self-inflicted crises is but a false shibboleth

I can rightly get on with the future and leave our guilty past behind in a jumbled, half-forgotten blur

It is with a certain calm that I adapt the insensate gouging of good croplands into cheap stripmalls

My health and happiness have been enhanced by letting go my fuzzy and unrealistic youthful idealism

Trust in the wisdom of His inscrutable way has banished the awful uncertainty which beset me

I am able to drive right on past our decaying infrastructure without even a second thought

A vision of the seas as stripmined, unregulated dumps can no longer perturb my cauterized emotions

No more must I futilely obsess over our sacred, morbidly-bloated, utterly-wasteful military budget

I lost fear of bearing personal-responsibility for my own uninsured health and scam-complex finances

I simply cast aside the burden of wasted anger over our people’s ignorance, illiteracy and attitude

That I must work until at least 70 but will be laid off for good at 50 no longer fills me with dread

With the sublime detachment granted me by my meds I disassociate myself from humanity’s future

I have made a lasting peace with all the eternal, random, angry and empty noise we produce

Internalizing the temporal nature of our vast wastefulness allows me to see far without seeing it

Accepting our unique possession of eternal souls has revealed the wisdom of our divine dominion

Now I can embrace my tenured dull manager who remains willfully ignorant and bristles with venality

I can blandly cope with their artificially-induced stress over arbitrary deadlines on useless projects

I have been imparted the ability to disagree with a silence that they act upon as my tacit acceptance

It has come as a relief to see how easily I place ever more on that big pile of things I cannot change

God has granted me the wisdom to overlook, ignore, compartmentalize or be far too busy for

Their Phony Ecological Concern

So we buy a couple pockets of old-growth big tree forest and turn them into monuments

We’ll clean up one or two token rivers and plant a few fish and take many pictures

We can do a couple of clean coal projects and print a hopeful pamphlet on recycled paper

Maybe we could subsidize a model green suburb with garages back behind, in the alleys

A proof of concept community school or two should keep their expectations in check

We can publish voluntary standards on protecting croplands and leave agribusiness to self-regulation

We’ll study the decline and mutation of the frogs and make toothless scientific recommendations

Maybe publicize power plant mercury emissions so that industry voices a cleanup commitment

We’ll force cars to be 90% more clean and efficient, then put twice as many on the road

We’ll save threatened wonders by opening them to the miracle of corporate tourism

We’ll make cleaner snowmachines and ATVs and ask them to please stay on the trails

We’ll strive to recycle more paper to China to make our import packaging even cheaper

Some stamps with pictures of endangered songbirds will demonstrate our great concern

It’ll be far cheaper to say we are raising people’s awareness rather than taking any real action

We can pass more landmark legislation and then quietly fail to deliver on the funding, once again

We’ll slowly adapt our children to dirty water, fouled air and a squalid, littered over-population

We’ll call for comprehensive reform, created by lobbyists, and then poison it with unrelated pork

We’ll un-muzzle our scientists but let our corpro-media out them as wackos with clever soundbites

We can shout above the noise pollution that it is not an issue even worthy of any discussion

A greenish packaging change and an All-Natural slogan ought to keep our numbers up

Concoct phony market-based solutions to problems no free economy was ever meant to solve

Label it expensive and intrusive gov’t regulation and play it off against families, jobs and money

Showcase opportunities for a few starving children but don’t ever even mention slashing population

Talk of reducing emissions to 1990s levels like that would restore some kind of half-assed equilibrium

Promote a couple show species to star status even as our global mass extinction gathers speed

Propose a bulky, readily-subverted cap and trade scam instead of a simple carbon tax

Institutionalize calls for further study as a means for simply continuing on with business as usual

Contract out pre-determined research results and trumpet it loudly towards our own sales ends

Advertising our warm commitment to future, family and environment should gin up wide good will

We’ll trumpet a little renewable energy research while permitting more new coal-fired plants

We’ll say we’re good stewards but depend on higher property and sales taxes for our existence

Just ignore military recommendations and keep the bloated cash cow bases in our own states open

We’ll pay off liberatarian ranchers if a wolf takes a cow grazing for next to nothing on federal lands

Sportsmen will soon adjust to expensive, trucked-in, hatchery trout in dirty, drying reservoirs

We might restructure capitalism to factor in phony environmental costs to avoid socialist regulation

The MulltiNats will cure societal inequity by simply reducing all workers to a bare subsistence level

Certainly Mankind Is No Cancer

And there is a market-based solution for every ill…

Filthy, unplanned, sprawling slums girdling the worlds cities surely pose no global threat

This purported mass extinction does not implicate humanity in a bogus global holocaust

Those who view man as a plague upon their neutered New Age paradise deserve our scorn

Our growing population certainly does not threaten some storybook eco-loco balance

Aliens would not view the flowering of humanity as a swarming of maggots upon the earth

Our rightful ascendancy is wrongly seen by the green zombies as destructive and temporary

We are properly concerned first and primarily with the economies which feed our good families

War is not some outdated, insane societal flaw but an ethical, moral and genetic imperative

Man is no cancer spreading to threaten fairytale, otherwise healthy and stable ecosystems

Our progress is not intimately bound to the degradation of air, water, soil and biodiversity

Look, capitalism simply mirrors nature’s unassailable law of survival of the fittest

Socialist planning is not the answer to the overblown problems invented by the squishes

Our corporate fishing fleets certainly do not constitute some vast strip-mining of the seas

Worldwide rain forest timber harvests simply are not as destructive as a vocal minority claims

Spreading deserts and melting ice are natural phenomena to which we can adapt, if necessaery

Adding artificial taxes on emissions quickly taints the purity of the sublime free market system

Damming and channelizing rivers for water, flood control and power are not at all acts of evil

Blowing soil erosion along with heavy doses of fertilizers, pesticides and fossil water is not sinful

Our triumphantly-righteous spread is falsely viewed by whimpering vegans as totally unsustainable

Their twisted world view labels nearly all of our progress as some kind of malignant metastization

They would have our families crouch in cold darkness chewing on rotten organic vegetables

Our economic growth cannot reasonably be described as a blind and greedy self-destruction

Unlike microbes on Agar plates, human numbers are not governed by kings or natural resources

Their Chicken Little fables of earthly collapse are tactics to stifle our sincere efforts at progress

Providing honest clean coal energy at low prices to consumers is no crime against humanity

Eco scare tactics are mostly used to preserve their elite viewsheds and keep out the working class

Our civilization is certainly no scabby pox upon some illusory pristine and perfect earth

For the love of god, we must actually quicken development to feed our growing numbers

Human society is not some temporary destructive aberration which must soon disappear

Our survival is not intimately linked to that of the lower microbes, plants or even animals

We most certainly are not selfishly dumping problems beyond our abilities upon future generations

It is immoral to label the, likely only temporary, side effects of our progress as wanton devastation

Hey, we could all still be hunter-gatherers shivering in caves with barely fire and dogs on our sides

Our tools, society and unique souls have separated us from the beasts and there is no going back

The future generations they say we are abandoning will revere our works with awestruck wonder

So-called habitat destruction is actually the flowering of the culture ordained by our one true god

A Fable Of Vanishing Breeds

The snowmobiles are disappearin right along with the fluffy white stuff they was ridin on

Them ATVs ain’t near so snarly when daddy ain’t got no job to pay to have them play

Giant SUVs are fading away, unable to compete, just like the them brontosauri

Less drunken numbnuts on financed jetskis are showing up down to the ER ever summer

Spoiled tweenies scattering daddy’s money at the malls are hardly even seen these days

Only a few hardy climate change skeptics still fight on, armed only with their thermostats

Just the rarest free market healthcare blathering is still heard outside of libertarian radio

Fat, damn, pushy, multi-minority women managers are fading away, right along with our prosperity

Shiny, porky, spin doctors on pain meds may finally lose their grip upon our consciousness

But them failed and wornout liberal socialist policies of the past are forgotten just as well

Cosmetically-enhanced parasitic real estate agents in shiny new cars are disappearing

Greasy lying car salesmen are drying up standing around outside closed down dealerships

Itchy apartment cowboys have gunned way-loud, ugly pickups off into a last bleary sunset

Dumbass Harleys are finally going blissfully silent with their loans so far underwater

Even effete luxury yacht owners are scuttling their crafts due to these awful economics

Changing times are sadly grounding more and more useless, un-muffled, toy private planes

Some are even questioning the wisdom of paying $2-300 a month just for a phone

Petcare specialists are suffering along with life coaches, beauticians and pedicurists

We witness proudly-ignorant construction workers being excreted from the middle class

No longer do we hear of expensive solutions to the unsubstantiated issue of CO2 emissions

Cockamamie government funding of the arts and the children of the poor are disappearing

Half-baked notions of some green world have been dampened by the real needs of our economy

Sucking-up middle managers are morphing into overly-chatty but useless home store clerks

Bold credit card debtors try futilely to become balance-free deadbeats with no lender appeal

Our Best and Brightest who actually weren’t, look to start over at trading carbon offsets

Chinese peasant factory workers no longer enjoy 14 hour workdays and sadly return home

The mega-churches are scaling back on expansion plans and reviewing their portfolios

Ill-conceived and grandiose climate change mitigation plans have quietly been shelved

Socialist sustainability fantasies have rightly given way to cutting red tape to save family jobs

Newspapers are being recycled into alternate-fact blogs and corporate entertainment

Poor illegal aliens will shortly attain a majority and have bloodlessly taken all of our places

We have deemed institutions that have already failed us as too big for us to permit to fail

Secretaries are no longer buying rental units or doing quick fix-ups for fast-profit flipping

Far right wingers are finding abortion much more palatable for our Non-Aryan intruders

Squishy, vegan tree-huggers are finally seeing over-hyped organic foods as way overpriced

Looks like even gods chosen people have earned a place on the short list of vanishing breeds

A high self-esteem and vast sense of entitlement

We want stimulating and secure jobs that pay well with lots of free and untaxed health benefits

Yes, and my devotion to my children should be at least a partial criteria for my promotions

We need lots of leisure time to share with our families free from nagging financial worries

Don’t want OUR lives to be totally dominated by such boring demands as work and money

Have to be able to focus on pleasure-seeking and still be pushed up that organization

We should remain in line for fat bonuses without sacrificing our wired online souls

Our precious children shall remain as the first and most important priority of our lives

Wont sacrifice social networking for overly-long periods of like, focused concentration

Striving to fulfill ourselves with an unending list of quickly-forgotten adventure vacations

Still balancing work against life even though our jobs are so quickly being offshored, forever

We demand that we be accommodated - Even as they have us train our 3^rd world replacements

More fast-food family time in front of corpro-entertainment is what nurtures our spirits

We need space to assimilate the fractal twittering in which we have immersed ourselves

More and more we choose to chat online over struggling with whatever project schedules

A high self-esteem and vast sense of entitlement ensure that we maintain a proper focus

We need to balance this work life with high CO2 emission trips to extreme sports venues

The Music is important and streaming services are setting us free from tired office slavery

Just got to have an investment home but there’s no time to try and learn to take care of it

Looking for more, over the screaming kids and squawking media during our own free time

We demand a richly rewarding sex life, colorful entertainment and a good night’s sleep

Need time to shuttle children to and fro and it better not be held against me by the boss

Quite happy using a negative savings rate for all the best in life, which we so richly deserve

They simply must keep increasing our benefits without ever mentioning any higher taxes

No way are we letting our short and precious time here be frittered away on trivial jobs

If they expect me to learn some lame new skills they better be paying me to do it from home

Going to free up some home gaming time nuking instant dinners and setting paper plates

Look, my kids and family are what’s important but I’ll sue if I don’t get the raise he does

You might be my boss, yet I answer only to my personal savior during our private dialogs

You best care for Mother and insure my kids without some death panel healthcare takeover

Won’t fret over the fine print technical details if there’s a catchy sound bite available

Gotta balance my tired job, sullen offspring and lying greasy politicians with hyped media events

Looking for more than being a veal calf in some prairie dog cube farm, even if it’s in hi-def 3D

Went to a couple yoga classes and got a few cotton shopping bags around here somewhere

Wont see me end up eating and draining thru tubes that are changed out by low-paid immigrants

Eyeing a 300 hp hybrid and thinking about subsidized solar on top of my un-insulated roof

Looking way beyond the mundane rat race almost every Sunday down at our mega-church

So, you can tell I do see there’s so much more to life and that I carefully balance, Having It All

We’re Living Funny Lies

Being coptered to my safe compound, I actually believe I’m worth my millions in salary and bonuses

We assure our Offshored they need only wait for the better new jobs coming Real Soon Now

Driving my hybrid 90 miles a day feeling like, you know what, I’m really making a difference here

We fill cute green cotton bags with water-wasting, slave-produced food shipped thousands of miles

Violently rejecting taxation while remaining purposely silent on reducing costs or cutting benefits

Fleecing the faithful for money, power and sex, as sales reps for wornout and fictional gods

Pushing FeelGood sustainable solutions but never mentioning necessary drastic population reductions

Glorifying the infallibility of unregulated markets while whining for subsidies and import tariffs

Assiduously recycling all my paper for shipment to china, merely to package more plastic imports

Demanding a faith-based administration but shouting that the same government stay out of our lives

Hypnotizing the lower class with clever hate speech while on the payroll of the corporate elite

Knowing our God is love as we heed His jealous demand that we smite His heathen enemies

Plastisizing my car with earth-friendly slogans made in toxic sweatshops by exploited illegales

Feeding the world with a patented seed, genetically modified to require our costly pesticides

Abandoning old suburbs for that newly-bulldozed but carbon-neutral and greener tomorrow

Hard-selling funds we purposely stuffed with crap, even as we ourselves hedge big against them

Calling for an end to greedy development threatening the gorgeous viewshed from my own new home

Gouging the bourgeois with pricey lifestyle drugs as we ignore the global disease scourges of the poor

Hanging a cute puppy calendar right by the table where I lay out our tasty but tortured family veal

Deliberately warping all their proposed legislation while damning the deceptions of the other side

Howling for freedom from government even as we condemn its lack of quick emergency response

Rebranding an unchanged, business as usual as some new, patriotic clean-coal energy independence

Paying huge premiums for USDA organics uninspectedly coming from, of all places, china

Posing as independent cowboy heroes, trampling predator-freed public lands with our welfare cattle

Posturing obesely in a loud and ugly pickup that I certainly don’t need and really can’t afford

Trumpeting the virtues of a foot-dragging negativism to whip up an ignorant anger in the alt-right

Holding guilt-free to the decision made with my personal savior to smite religious fundamentalism

Praising our sacred Human Resources even as we plot to outsource them and renege on their pensions

Ever proclaiming our holocaust suffering while we wall the Palestinians into a hot, desert ghetto

Parroting your donor propaganda to reframe science into an empty and politicized media debate

Subsidizing Wall Street Cons to pimp phony carbon offsets and Ponzi cap and trade scams

Demanding soil conservation as I endlessly fertilize, pesticide, cut and water my fakely-green lawn

Rapping out that yes-yes, we can-can change: and backdoor dealing just like we always have-have

Grazing swinishly at the rich troth of absolutely unquestionable and ever-increasing arms outlays

Nurturing a fat, ignorant pride on Doritos, Twinkies, beer, generic cigarettes and cheap hamburg

Living the lie that it’ll all somehow make sense in the end, during some, real fuzzy, happy-ever-after

Israelis Invited To Build "New HolyLand®"

Hey, let’s have the Jews negotiate a sale of these so-called holy lands for petrodollars

Then they can build New HolyLand® on a land grant way down on southern Arizona border

Get their newly-unemployed soldiers to slap us up holy site replicas and patrol that border

And we won’t build no mosques and there won’t ever be no Palestinian Problem

We’ll invite all the Jews to settle out in our desert, which they should be quite used to

Give ‘em 2 years to settle things up and $100000 apiece to get out and get started here

We’ll invite the Christians to relocate their sacred stuff, too, but just to be polite

The Israelis can set up solar research labs, perfect electric cars and engineer clean coal

If we need to, we can concoct a miracle or two just off Interstate-10, to really get things rolling

Then we’ll see what kind of a paradise the Arabs can produce without either us or the Jews around

The old Israeli defense establishment can sell not quite state of the art arms to their former enemies

And the astute Jewish financiers can come up with great terms on the loans…

The Saudis can pay the tab for Somalia, Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan, Yemen and Palestine

And we can just grin as the Shiites and the Sunnis demonstrate their great love for one another

Meanwhile we’ll gain our energy independence and leave Gulf oil for their stinkin camels

We can just laugh as ISIS, the Taliban, Al-qaeda, Hezbollah and Hamas all turn on one another

We’ll have the energetic Israelis here with nobody persecuting them, for once in history

Some can go to Hollywood and others to New York to take up mass media and high finance

They’ll be free here to keep constantly reminding us all of the holocausts they’ve endured

But we’ll get their creativity, their intelligence, their energy and their, uh, forceful opinions

Let the Arabs just go ahead and do what they like with those de-sanctified former holy places

Why, we’ll get some new-age old testament messiah to walk out of our own desert

It’ll be a righteously religious complement to that other desert monument known as Las Vegas

Listen, It’s been 60 years, so you just point to any real progress or a better solution

The terrorists will just run out of holy jihadic steam without the US or the Jews in their faces

Then we can fence them off and let them work their shining Sharia law wonders, or bomb their asses

And brother, any Jew who wants to remain must sign a release form and must be forgotten forever

It’s time we declare victory in this failed Crusade by taking our game somewhere else

Let’s just get over them dirty old places in the desert that all smell like stale goat urine

Here’s a chance for peace and the opportunity to build our own profitable New HolyLand®

Let them go and turn the whole damn worthless mess into one massive failed state

And we’ll build lasting memorials here to the innocents that their foolish martyrs killed

The Jews and the Mormons can compete to make the very nicest in desert living places

We’ll save so much money on imported oil that we’ll buy back our treasury debt from china

There’ll be expensive but safe New HolyLand® tours conducted by Jewish entrepreneurs

And, the Illegales better think twice about infiltrating our southern borders once the Jews arrive