Thursday, September 29, 2011

Holistic Conservative Economic Initiatives


Forgotten quick-fixes from that Great Recession
If we can just get the banks to start lending again surely everything will bounce right back
With a few less job losses our futures will all seem just as dazzlingly bright as they always used to
When the stock market gets turned around, everything will be just peachy once again
We’ll get the housing sector moving and then we’ll be back once more on our merry way

When we unfreeze the credit markets that oh-so vital consumer spending will rebound
If we can just keep mortgage rates down good old real estate can regain its momentum
We’ll see upticks in the RV, ATV, snowmobile and boat industries when confidence returns
Families can drive to Disneyland in new Cash For Clunkers cars while paying record low gas prices

We’ve got to hold the line on utility costs so homes can be kept at 65º all summer long
Subsidizing without any strings attached the institutions we deem too big to fail should get us moving
If we can just reduce lender uncertainty over possible regulations, credit will flow freely again
We can get back to mid-morning lattes and eating out 3 times a week under such bold initiatives

Stopping well shy of any real reform will help keep the sainted investment banks afloat
We cannot threaten a fragile recovery with the ominous shadow of intrusive government regulation
Printing scads of new money should jumpstart our sacred and all-important economy, once again
If we can just get retail sales moving our cycle of consumer borrowing on Asian imports can resume

If we can just get the economy back on track, we may even be able to take up some other issues
Granting federal money at 0% interest will surely convince the big banks to lend once again
We’ll also go ahead and guarantee the loans they make with the money that we give them
Right now we just need to remain totally fixed upon increasing GDP for this current quarter

Retaining focus on core economic issues must remain our single most important priority
If we can just boost consumer confidence they’ll save us by charging more imported big-screens
We’d like to see the tweenie mall spending rate start bumping upwards once again
Jittery markets just might stabilize with massive infusions of new cash, so we’ll try it

After all the bailout have been distributed, we might even discuss gaining control of the deficit
With a little more time, surely the free market will develop a profitable healthcare solution
If we can just remove their debt, dealer and pension obligations, car builders will flourish
Postponing expensive emissions actions for just a little while will give us some breathing room

We simply need to calmly stroke those jittery markets with gentle and reassuring financial voices
Those flighty hairdressers and decorators who control stock prices just hate all this uncertainty
Providing the merest bit of economic light should quash this unproductive consumer saving trend
If we can just get back to spending more than we earn, surely we can go on living happily ever after

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