Blindfolded Republican Social Optimization

Our sacred property rights guarantee we can bulldoze no-money-down land for short-term profits

Nobody would even dare raise the immoral question of taxing our sacred religious franchises

The government cannot alter our blessed constitutional rights by banning assault weapons

Earnings go to private enterprise and pointless cleanup is simply intrusive liberal over-regulation

Christ belongs within our government – But you best keep the damn government out of our business

Abortion is a mortal sin but our 4 in 10 fatherless children can be ignored as simply God’s Will

Federal agencies can freely invade any citizen’s privacy and, yes, they may do so in utmost secrecy

Habitat and species preservation are not the responsibility of either government or business

Even if it were not a junk science hoax, climate change is far too complex and expensive to address

We do not torture but know that advanced interrogation methods saved thousands of American lives

You must believe that our bailouts prevented the collapse of the world economy into depression

Spending more on our military than all other countries combined is unquestionably beyond discussion

It is my god-given constitutional right to use an idling 5 ton SUV as my own personal air-conditioner

Regulating and taxing marijuana would surely increase hard drug use and lead to further moral decay

Expenses of clean air and water are neither the concern of business nor the province of government

Fostering profit-motivated solutions will ensure the best healthcare for our poor, sick and elderly

Free market-based pursuit of individual and corporate happiness blindly optimizes our family lives

Voluntary industry guidelines are far more effective than any heavy-handed government regulation

Though evolution is an unproven theory, survival of the fittest does apply to our free enterprise

We may blithely discount the opinions and beliefs of foreigners from our god-granted higher ground

Inviting industry leaders to create government policy behind closed doors fosters democracy

Globalization is inevitable and leads almost altruistically to different lives for everyone

Clean coal is a viable and green, thrifty and quick solution to attain our energy independence

The economic benefits of tax breaks for the richest trickle down to lift the disadvantaged below

Look, the bible plainly states that marriage is a contract, valid only between a man and a woman

We are duty-bound to increase our population to counter the growth of our potential enemies

We are a nation of laws - Laws that we may footnote with signing statements and failure to fund

Outsourced workers must take Personal Responsibility for their own retirement and healthcare needs

Companies must shed their pension obligations to remain competitive in the global marketplace

We must pay closeted CEOs millions or we will lose their immeasurable but irreplaceable talent

We feel we are getting the same engineering expertise overseas at a mere fraction of the cost

Our nonrefundable bonuses based on short term stock price clearly enhance the future of society

Voluntary recycling is a merit badge decision which remains of dubious value to any free society

Real estate developers and their salesmen work conscientiously to better all of our futures

Entrepreneurs who hire illegales do not contribute to some non-violent takeover of our land

All of our exceptionist policies are based upon the reality of our status as god’s one chosen people

A high self-esteem and vast sense of entitlement

We want stimulating and secure jobs that pay well with lots of free and untaxed health benefits

Yes, and my devotion to my children should be at least a partial criteria for my promotions

We need lots of leisure time to share with our families free from nagging financial worries

Don’t want OUR lives to be totally dominated by such boring demands as work and money

Have to be able to focus on pleasure-seeking and still be pushed up that organization

We should remain in line for fat bonuses without sacrificing our wired online souls

Our precious children shall remain as the first and most important priority of our lives

Wont sacrifice social networking for overly-long periods of like, focused concentration

Striving to fulfill ourselves with an unending list of quickly-forgotten adventure vacations

Still balancing work against life even though our jobs are so quickly being offshored, forever

We demand that we be accommodated - Even as they have us train our 3^rd world replacements

More fast-food family time in front of corpro-entertainment is what nurtures our spirits

We need space to assimilate the fractal twittering in which we have immersed ourselves

More and more we choose to chat online over struggling with whatever project schedules

A high self-esteem and vast sense of entitlement ensure that we maintain a proper focus

We need to balance this work life with high CO2 emission trips to extreme sports venues

The Music is important and streaming services are setting us free from tired office slavery

Just got to have an investment home but there’s no time to try and learn to take care of it

Looking for more, over the screaming kids and squawking media during our own free time

We demand a richly rewarding sex life, colorful entertainment and a good night’s sleep

Need time to shuttle children to and fro and it better not be held against me by the boss

Quite happy using a negative savings rate for all the best in life, which we so richly deserve

They simply must keep increasing our benefits without ever mentioning any higher taxes

No way are we letting our short and precious time here be frittered away on trivial jobs

If they expect me to learn some lame new skills they better be paying me to do it from home

Going to free up some home gaming time nuking instant dinners and setting paper plates

Look, my kids and family are what’s important but I’ll sue if I don’t get the raise he does

You might be my boss, yet I answer only to my personal savior during our private dialogs

You best care for Mother and insure my kids without some death panel healthcare takeover

Won’t fret over the fine print technical details if there’s a catchy sound bite available

Gotta balance my tired job, sullen offspring and lying greasy politicians with hyped media events

Looking for more than being a veal calf in some prairie dog cube farm, even if it’s in hi-def 3D

Went to a couple yoga classes and got a few cotton shopping bags around here somewhere

Wont see me end up eating and draining thru tubes that are changed out by low-paid immigrants

Eyeing a 300 hp hybrid and thinking about subsidized solar on top of my un-insulated roof

Looking way beyond the mundane rat race almost every Sunday down at our mega-church

So, you can tell I do see there’s so much more to life and that I carefully balance, Having It All

We’re Living Funny Lies

Being coptered to my safe compound, I actually believe I’m worth my millions in salary and bonuses

We assure our Offshored they need only wait for the better new jobs coming Real Soon Now

Driving my hybrid 90 miles a day feeling like, you know what, I’m really making a difference here

We fill cute green cotton bags with water-wasting, slave-produced food shipped thousands of miles

Violently rejecting taxation while remaining purposely silent on reducing costs or cutting benefits

Fleecing the faithful for money, power and sex, as sales reps for wornout and fictional gods

Pushing FeelGood sustainable solutions but never mentioning necessary drastic population reductions

Glorifying the infallibility of unregulated markets while whining for subsidies and import tariffs

Assiduously recycling all my paper for shipment to china, merely to package more plastic imports

Demanding a faith-based administration but shouting that the same government stay out of our lives

Hypnotizing the lower class with clever hate speech while on the payroll of the corporate elite

Knowing our God is love as we heed His jealous demand that we smite His heathen enemies

Plastisizing my car with earth-friendly slogans made in toxic sweatshops by exploited illegales

Feeding the world with a patented seed, genetically modified to require our costly pesticides

Abandoning old suburbs for that newly-bulldozed but carbon-neutral and greener tomorrow

Hard-selling funds we purposely stuffed with crap, even as we ourselves hedge big against them

Calling for an end to greedy development threatening the gorgeous viewshed from my own new home

Gouging the bourgeois with pricey lifestyle drugs as we ignore the global disease scourges of the poor

Hanging a cute puppy calendar right by the table where I lay out our tasty but tortured family veal

Deliberately warping all their proposed legislation while damning the deceptions of the other side

Howling for freedom from government even as we condemn its lack of quick emergency response

Rebranding an unchanged, business as usual as some new, patriotic clean-coal energy independence

Paying huge premiums for USDA organics uninspectedly coming from, of all places, china

Posing as independent cowboy heroes, trampling predator-freed public lands with our welfare cattle

Posturing obesely in a loud and ugly pickup that I certainly don’t need and really can’t afford

Trumpeting the virtues of a foot-dragging negativism to whip up an ignorant anger in the alt-right

Holding guilt-free to the decision made with my personal savior to smite religious fundamentalism

Praising our sacred Human Resources even as we plot to outsource them and renege on their pensions

Ever proclaiming our holocaust suffering while we wall the Palestinians into a hot, desert ghetto

Parroting your donor propaganda to reframe science into an empty and politicized media debate

Subsidizing Wall Street Cons to pimp phony carbon offsets and Ponzi cap and trade scams

Demanding soil conservation as I endlessly fertilize, pesticide, cut and water my fakely-green lawn

Rapping out that yes-yes, we can-can change: and backdoor dealing just like we always have-have

Grazing swinishly at the rich troth of absolutely unquestionable and ever-increasing arms outlays

Nurturing a fat, ignorant pride on Doritos, Twinkies, beer, generic cigarettes and cheap hamburg

Living the lie that it’ll all somehow make sense in the end, during some, real fuzzy, happy-ever-after

Disentangling Our White Noise

A constant background noise; especially: One that drowns out other sounds

The void left by the forgotten songbirds is seamlessly filled by smarmy advertising messages

The roaring diesel fumes wafting softly into her crib do not stir this safely sleeping urban infant

News reports of inept, corrupt and wasteful governance no longer provoke any real response

Endless sad studies are smothered behind the deafening background noise we continuously create

Wild fish are not startled by gently falling acid rain from distant hissing coal stacks

The awkward silence of a clear-cut is unnoticeable atop growling wreckreational vehicles

Nobody leaps to the rescue of croaking frogs replaced by giant, rumbling bulldozers, once again

Dirty waters and climate change now lie safely outside our self-circumscribed hearing range

Screams from the refugee camps are muffled by our shopping, work and entertainment activities

Constant identical reports of even more extinctions aren’t going to motivate anyone again

The ever-dirtier business of politics no longer galvanizes the jaded multitude even a bit

People docilely accept that in good times or bad, the rich will profiteer at their expense

Blathering leaders are not expected to solve real problems correctly, cheaply or on time

Our loud and illiterate offspring are simply part of a vast and privatizing, comforting white noise

The unfortunate are blown off behind our sunglasses, earbuds and cynically-texting smirks

Even Scot-free bailouts of unregulated legal swindlers who are ruining our lives doesn’t move us

Ever more wasteful borrow-and-spend programs cannot provoke some mighty voter wrath

Continuous broadcast of morally repugnant crimes have worn out our emotional responses

Distress cries that might otherwise slow our progress are safely obscured by a soothing traffic roar

The wise voices of our ancestors have been attenuated into the meaningless background noise

That invisible, anonymous CEOs are naturally worth their guaranteed millions is taken at face value

It is accepted that gutting our futures thru offshoring should earn them more whopping bonuses

That they merged and downsized us forever for quick profits will not set us upon them

We tacitly accept the morality of efforts to evade the spirit of our laws via compulsive loopholeing

Un-inspected, adulterated foreign food ingredients will not rouse us up off our beloved couches

Omnipresent evidence of over-population is obscured by the simple crush of so many bodies

The voice of reason is smothered by our hoarse attempt to curse over their many tangled jingles

That our own thoughts must now be produced as shouts is not perceptible to us within the din

There’s really nothing between the inaudible lines blurring advertising, news and entertainment

Our crumbling infrastructure does not decay nearly loudly enough to claim even a little attention

Endless strident sound bite repetition completely deadens the occasional quiet and reasoned debate

The deafening sound of devastating warfare drowns out those faint, weak-kneed cries for peace

Relentless repetition of myriad, simple but cleverly-coded messages digitally layers our angry brains

A world of screams and shouts and tears are melded into a featureless but high-decibel abstraction

Ungodly special effects are launched which cannot gain attention for more than a few seconds

Loud, un-syncopated random outbursts occur so fast as to blend into a surrounding roar

This deafening white noise creates our privacy and thereby we think, preserves our sanity

But the vast silence of the void that surrounds us still terrifies as it makes its now rare appearance

Finally Beyond All These Prejudices

They finally got that knee jerk reaction towards blacks somewhat under conscious control

Not automatically hating real estate agents, politicians, lawyers or even bankers on sight

They gave up the ugly stereotypes of those pushing all their stuff around in dirty grocery carts

Probably every conservative doesn’t live solely on a spiritual diet of angry sound bites

The visible fact that they are extremely ugly may just no longer cost them every promotion

Never again will we be forced into war by the jealousy of our own, the one and only, true God

Don’t get nauseous now from men dressed only in spandex grape holders, kissing on parade floats

Stopped up that inner voice that always screamed FAT, FAT, FAT when talking to an obese person

Won’t tighten up in anger just hearing some foreign language speakers in our clean town park

Quelled the autonomous shut-down reaction they always had to wornout socialist planning ideas

Don’t unconsciously under-rate those pushy and loud-mouthed short people anymore

Quit labeling climate zealots as misguided zombies in a costly plot to end our sovereignty

Learned not to resent the tenured and incompetent, leaned-in Mommies now in charge

Aren’t quite as ready to bomb baby killers in their godless abortion clinics in Jesus’ name

Got around to thinking that likely all neegros aren’t inferior, addicted, whoring and lazy bastards

And blacks no longer view the flood of illegales as trying to steal their welfare birthrights

Feeling maybe the French couldn’t really be such clueless, yellow, old-European snobs

Not as callously dismissing Compassionate Conservatism by simply reviewing its historical results

Wont be teasing, taunting and beating the geeks and scientists quite as often as we used to

Maybe those battered old Hondas really don’t threaten our exceptionist 9 passenger SUV lifestyle

They can look right past that whatever race as easily as they can ignore some damn sheethead

Stopped seeing every bumbling project manager as but a whining, backbiting, ass-kissing loser

Even thinking how recycling, conservation and efficiency might not just be some wacko conspiracy

Feeling more and more like lobbyists may be there to simply try and help us all get along better

Don’t try to see just how close they can get their pickups to them candy-ass bicyclists anymore

Aren’t calling the Clean Coal people the very embodiment of all that is evil in the world right now

Stopped viewing illegal immigration as if it were some sort of vast, liberal-backed invasion

Losing the urge to punch out those heavyset, shorthaired, fatfaced butches with the cute girlfriends

Finally drinking the Self Responsibility Kool-Aid instead of playing that oh-so tattered race card

Not thinking pushy Jews control finance and Hollywood while pulling a holocaust on the Palestinians

Ended their bloody Jihads and now even tolerate other false and unworthy Islamic sects

Wont commit more Tibetan-style genocides by Han replacement and cultural extinction

Wont see voters as sheep to be bought with expensive, dumbed-down, homey sound bites

Trying to stop accounting for employees simply as costs to be slashed to earn even more fat bonuses

Promising to look the handicapped in the eyes but not remake the world in their crippled images

No longer view their elders as irrelevant, senile fools with a duty to just get out of the way and die

Our Paternalistic Libertarianism

Continuously improve existing social programs with replacement by trickle-down tax cuts for the rich

Save maybe a few of the very last redwoods but enforce the right to life under a penalty of death

Preserve our future with pre-school handgun training and creationism studies for 3^rd graders

Subsidize solar power but, by god, make sure you also hurry up and Drill Baby Drill!

Mandate universal freemarket healthcare with no government regulation, rationing or death panels

End stripmining and clearcutting while keeping federal agencies totally out of private business

Let them recycle to save the planet, but maintain a smirking sarcasm aimed at the clueless squishes

Wrist-slap the bankers but guarantee new terms on their equity-robbed, underwater home loans

Disgorge pre-masticated mouthfuls of difficult decisions but let them go in-depth with alt-right news

Preserve our precious fresh water without any burdensome and intrusive regulations

Establish gay marriage but subject them all to an ongoing, evangelical, christian healing

Dump your trash in the woods as vegans recycle paper to china to make more of your packaging

Ban flag burning but continue letting the government spy on us in secret, with total impunity

End the grocery meat holocaust but without raising the price of our kid’s beloved hot dogs

So save the damn earth but don’t you dare alter the consumer lifestyle of our precious families

Maybe gift Wall Street a phony Cap and Trade market but without forcing any emissions reductions

Teach your sons to fish but don’t enforce the pollution laws so that they might eat what they catch

Convert the government to Spanish for latino votes even while forcefully expelling all those illegales

Purchase plenty of room in commercial prisons after we graduate the fatherless as amoral illiterates

No new taxes ever, but spread car rebates, bank bailouts and loan guarantees all around

Support noble freedom fighters everywhere but crush out all those fanatical terrorist insurgents

Answer the enemy’s illegal invasions with our own pre-emptively defensive wars of liberation

Encourage a reasoned public debate but control it with distorted, donor-funded 30 second soundbites

Destroy unfair foreign trade barriers to allow free export of lobbyists government subsidized products

End abortion murders but continue to ignore the 40% born as bastards to our blessed mothers

Bring God into our government but keep its fool regulations way the hell out of our businesses

In private talks with personal saviors, decide to make war upon the evil fundamentalist jihadis

Call for independent thinking while encouraging their pointless immersion in corporate sports

Cut these wasteful liberal social programs but don’t leave a single child behind at school

Talk of our great love of peace but spend more on weapons than all the other lands combined

Foster a free-range cowboy spirit in those living in dank apartment burrows of suburban wastelands

Scorn the liberal media conspiracy with a thousand conservative, evangelical, fake-news tweets

Encourage math and science while ridiculing scientists from mass entertainment/news pulpits

Proudly stamp Packaged In America on the cheapest imports that you can negligently offshore

Restore their lost but noble native culture through gambling, tobacco, fireworks and liquor

Trumpet Personal Responsibility while creating huge government deficits for their children

Get the mercury out of our kids brains without needless regulation of patriotic coal power plants

Nurture the fragile economy while degrading every natural system that supports it very existence

Help Me Not To Hate, Let Me Just Ignore

Curb my hatred of the proud and scornful ignorance that loudly proclaims our superiority

Stifle my loathing of greasy car salesmen, lying real estate agents and one-track CEOs

Help cap off my intense disgust with monomaniac self-proclaimed Masters of the Universe

Shame on my anger at the purposeless noise from which we derive so much simple pleasure

Help me not to hate pale political compromise, as satisfying to all sides as cold oatmeal

Stop me from wasting energy railing against the corrupt nature of organized religions

End my bitter diatribes over the rapid and unconscious waste of all of our non-renewables

Let me blissfully ignore the brutal, post-modern efficiency of our food animal holocaust

Grant me relief from my wasted worry over the absolute non-issue of human overpopulation

Control my wish to club those falsely cloaking themselves in so-called Traditional Family ValuesÔ

Halt my useless ranting upon the utter unsustainability of our vapid consumerism

Help me overcome the overwhelming feeling that, this time, the sky really must be falling

Make me just ignore their canned and dumbed-down homilies read with smarmy & self-assured smirks

Enable me to silently accept an ever-filthier and even more degraded natural world, every day

Reduce my revulsion over the grant of divine souls only to us by the musty gods we alone invented

Deliver me from my pointless and weak concern over our agricultural soil microbe communities

Stay my hand from smiting the lawyers, accountants, insurers and financiers

Help me not hate the unquestioned spending of more every year on our so-called dEfense

Don’t let me attack our wise but pale corporate masters safe inside their locked compounds

Staunch my concern over such inconsequentialities as breathable air and potable water

Deaden me to the grating noise of their witlessly destructive gas-powered ‘wreckreation’

Stop me noticing as one beautiful and perfectly adapted species after another just disappears

Keep my mind from dwelling on blackmailed bailouts doled out to banks with no strings attached

Lower my unrealistic expectations regarding our own morality and intelligence

Aid me in not dwelling too long upon the microscopic insignificance of my own tiny voice

Help me not to hate the self-promoters who have to grab the microphone in front of the cameras

Show me I should not look down upon the ordinary sloth, ignorance and obese over-consumption

Quell the anger that arises when I hear the foreign tongues, quite at home in my own land

Let me not even bother to scorn the venal, profit-seeking of the entertainment or tourist industries

Save me from drowning in a rank skepticism fueled daily by all of those so very sordid current affairs

Quiet my rude sarcasm over our hi-def worship of hulking sports illiterates in skin tight pants

Quench my disgust with their never-ending Quick and dirty and the permanent Just for now

Stop me shouting over the stirring faux-patriotic music of their euphemistic sound bite hyperbole

End my squishy concern over all the things that are destroyed daily, without even being noticed

Halt my cynicism as their reasoned debates degrade into loud, twisted exaggeration and blatant lies

Help me not to hate myself so much for being so inextricably dependent on all these ugly things

Analyzing Human Extinction

They might have been viewed as precursors, had their line not ended quite so abruptly

Their culture could possibly have evolved into more than a simple, greedy self-destruction

Maybe their fossils would have been enshrined in chapels, museums and laboratories

Looking at their petrified remains might have even inspired great awe and wonder in little ones

Their lifestyle in an ancient era would have been a lesson to their grateful descendants

Emergence from a rough and tumble past might have resulted later, in a state of grace

Their patchwork history and tattered legends could have easily anchored great cultures

Viewed as ancestors, their violent habits would have been seen in a totally different light

They might have passed on valuable lessons from out of a vast sea of ancient experience

Perhaps distant progeny would have honored them and sought out their blessings

It might have been possible that they formed the stem of a still-flowering species tree

Their DNA could have contributed to something beyond their short, harsh and angry tale

Had their seed carried on, their venal struggles might not now appear so foolish and so vain

Were they not evolutionary dead-ends their violence and waste might possibly make sense

Without wantonly destroying their supporting environment, they could have carried on

Possibly, if they did not extinguish so many other species, they could have even loved one another

Outcomes may have differed if their myths had endowed everlasting souls to all living things

Could have survived had they not gifted themselves exclusive domain over their one planet

Maybe their self-granted commandment to be fruitful resulted in their toxic overpopulation

Certainly the warfare demanded by their many one true gods contributed to their demise

They might not have shambled off into early oblivion had they escaped their own Social Darwinism

If they could have appreciated their inheritance, they might have planned for their legacy

Perhaps not basing their economy on shortsighted greed would have led to more success

Finally taking action only after they had collapsed their ecosystem was not a viable survival strategy

Maybe not gauging their progress solely upon extractive consumption would have helped

Trusting in ponzi perpetual growth instead of steady state survival probably aided their demise

Their never-begotten offspring might not have disdained their elders as irrelevant fools

Had they the sense not to bring on a mass extinction, things might have been very different

Possibly their urge to killing did not serve them as self-appointed stewards of the earth

Maybe market solutions were not appropriate for blindly solving all of their world’s problems

Basing price on demand did not ensure the long-term availability of any of their finite resources

Placing their bloated population’s marketed needs before the one planet that sustained them failed

They might have explored the universe had they not destroyed their own spaceship earth

In the end, their perpetual and expensive warfare did not confer to them any survival advantage

If they had not always followed monomaniacal will-to-power freaks, they might still exist

But, instead, they are rightly known as the precursors of nothing and the ancestors to no living beings

Our Comic Cosmic Rationalizations

They see that it must all be good, for it all amounts to the same in the fullness of cosmic time

We can waste, pollute and destroy since we’re merely a single atom in one infinite universe

Our puny ruins cannot be distinguished from the greater entropy that’s proceeding on, all around us

Doomed as we most surely are, we need not have a care for our actions or our attitudes

We can freely pursue any selfish interest, for it will really make no difference in any possible end

It’s safe to assure them they’re god’s chosen people knowing divine retribution is just a myth

Given the Void, any and all political spin or cover-up is justified if it advances our own greedy cause

For the earth is doomed to be swallowed by the sun in the not too distant cosmic future

Practicing Social Darwinism on future generations might actually help make them stronger

We need not burden ourselves with concerns over some future beyond our own event horizon

Given our brief emergence from emptiness, we can, and should, act just to please ourselves

There is good reason to nurture and take advantage of their foolish need to blind faith

The effects of our short population bloom will be so quickly diluted as to be of no concern

Earth has witnessed other mass extinctions and all life on this planet is doomed, in any case

We can blithely finance fictional eternal souls for them, if it gains us riches and control

We may as well call the suffering and death of war inevitable if it helps fulfill our need to power

In the end, conservation and preservation amount to as much as exploitation and depredation

We might as well profit from these random yet happy circumstances that support us right now

We can languish in cruel poverty or struggle to vast riches, and it winds up all the same

There’s no point in saving if some fool will offer us free credit during these short lives

We’re going the way of the dinosaurs, only faster, so it’s best to quickly grab all we can

There’ll be no way to tell and nobody to notice even if you could save just a few trees

The good and the bad are indistinguishable in the ash and the dust to which we return

Our greatest efforts cannot even slightly impair the life force that spreads with the universe

Saving the planet is as fanciful a notion as the potential reward of an everlasting paradise

Our small choices lie within the mindless, yet absolute certitude, that guides flowing water

Sensibly, we adjust our ethics with the situation, time, place and our current selfish needs

Let them listen to the sound of one hand clapping, even as our other empties their pockets

The unknowable silently rationalizes any action for which we choose to invoke it

Incomprehensible infinity dilutes the effects of all of our acts to an immaterial immeasurability

Our imminent and permanent return to the void best frames all of our plans for the future

Thus, may shortsighted and self-centered concerns cosmically guide our pursuit of happiness