What Could We Possibly Tell The Kids?

How do I stop them as they are toddling towards the shore of that vulgarly poisoned pond

What do I say when they ask where all of that trash on the side of the road comes from

How do I explain why the sky is a dirty brown so often when we are riding to their school

Help me to fit the filthy homeless we see downtown into our rosy picture of family life

How do I spin this dust and grime into a happily ever after that a simple little kid can buy

I need a way to say we just can’t afford to try and deal with climate change right now

Let me convince them that baby jesus knows everything but still let that Bambi get run over

What do I say when they ask why our putrid river doesn’t look like the pretty ones on TV

I need a good story about why we have to live in this tiny apartment after our foreclosure

How do I compete with all the slick ads they have seen when we are out grocery shopping

How can I actually convince them that homework is more important than texting friends

Why should they listen to me when they see me raging so uselessly at the endless traffic

What lessons can I impart to bring sense to this vast de-construction we call our progress

What do I tell them when they show me pictures of songbirds that no longer visit our yard

Why would they need to study hard to get into college if Dad just keeps being outsourced

How do I show them that our god speaks the truth but all others are false idols to be smashed

How do I sell them that healthcare competition gives us a choice of ERs when they’re sick

Why would they want to eat anything but colorful, sugar-filled, fat-ridden, salty, fast foods

What do I tell them when they say they hate those dirty kids who don’t speak any English

How would I make them actually prefer reading to playing first person shooter games

How can I convince them that it wasn’t always just mud, garbage, broken glass and dog goo here

Help me create a story about being too tired just getting the family by to try and save the world

Give me a child’s takeaway for the shopping carts filled with castoffs being pushed on city streets

Show me how to spin this bleak joblessness into a wondrous chance to be with Daddy all day

What do I tell them when they ask me where our water comes from and our poopie goes

What am I supposed to do when their teachers fill them with guilt over our CO2 emissions

How do I weave those poor frogs with 3 legs into our family tale where everything is beautiful

Help me explain why the school says we must make them take their ‘vitamin’ every day

I need to convince them that once our garbage is out of sight it can stay out of their minds

They must internalize that we are the victims of the unplanned effects of our own scripted actions

They cannot view our grooming products as causing fish some kind of icky reproductive issues

They mustn’t connect our neighborhood runoff with the toxic brew that is nearby surface water

Let me explain to them why we must bail out the banks but not the solar companies

Work with me to show them why it’s OK to toss out so much stuff after every trip to McDonalds

Prove to them its better to go play outside than to sit snacking enjoying electronic entertainment

Sell them on employers that will discard them forever at 50 to a society of Personal Responsibility

A Fable Of Vanishing Breeds

The snowmobiles are disappearin right along with the fluffy white stuff they was ridin on

Them ATVs ain’t near so snarly when daddy ain’t got no job to pay to have them play

Giant SUVs are fading away, unable to compete, just like the them brontosauri

Less drunken numbnuts on financed jetskis are showing up down to the ER ever summer

Spoiled tweenies scattering daddy’s money at the malls are hardly even seen these days

Only a few hardy climate change skeptics still fight on, armed only with their thermostats

Just the rarest free market healthcare blathering is still heard outside of libertarian radio

Fat, damn, pushy, multi-minority women managers are fading away, right along with our prosperity

Shiny, porky, spin doctors on pain meds may finally lose their grip upon our consciousness

But them failed and wornout liberal socialist policies of the past are forgotten just as well

Cosmetically-enhanced parasitic real estate agents in shiny new cars are disappearing

Greasy lying car salesmen are drying up standing around outside closed down dealerships

Itchy apartment cowboys have gunned way-loud, ugly pickups off into a last bleary sunset

Dumbass Harleys are finally going blissfully silent with their loans so far underwater

Even effete luxury yacht owners are scuttling their crafts due to these awful economics

Changing times are sadly grounding more and more useless, un-muffled, toy private planes

Some are even questioning the wisdom of paying $2-300 a month just for a phone

Petcare specialists are suffering along with life coaches, beauticians and pedicurists

We witness proudly-ignorant construction workers being excreted from the middle class

No longer do we hear of expensive solutions to the unsubstantiated issue of CO2 emissions

Cockamamie government funding of the arts and the children of the poor are disappearing

Half-baked notions of some green world have been dampened by the real needs of our economy

Sucking-up middle managers are morphing into overly-chatty but useless home store clerks

Bold credit card debtors try futilely to become balance-free deadbeats with no lender appeal

Our Best and Brightest who actually weren’t, look to start over at trading carbon offsets

Chinese peasant factory workers no longer enjoy 14 hour workdays and sadly return home

The mega-churches are scaling back on expansion plans and reviewing their portfolios

Ill-conceived and grandiose climate change mitigation plans have quietly been shelved

Socialist sustainability fantasies have rightly given way to cutting red tape to save family jobs

Newspapers are being recycled into alternate-fact blogs and corporate entertainment

Poor illegal aliens will shortly attain a majority and have bloodlessly taken all of our places

We have deemed institutions that have already failed us as too big for us to permit to fail

Secretaries are no longer buying rental units or doing quick fix-ups for fast-profit flipping

Far right wingers are finding abortion much more palatable for our Non-Aryan intruders

Squishy, vegan tree-huggers are finally seeing over-hyped organic foods as way overpriced

Looks like even gods chosen people have earned a place on the short list of vanishing breeds

Building Merica’s Thousand Year Reich

And thusly, would it remain forever, Morning In Merica

Believed that “change is the way of all things” is a justification for endless greedy takings

Demeaned science as fuzzy yet maintained a crystal clear vision of His paradise, awaiting us

Never took the time to make sense of things yet still wondered why the old were all so confused

Preached that market competition would efficiently & automatically solve any and all social ills

Spoke of our values and traditions as we tossed aside more valuable recyclables each and every day

Went forth multiplying blindly, blissfully righteous, given the blessings of our very own one true god

Wisely kept government out of the so-called business of habitat and species preservation

Built strong children in front of TV on factory white bread and cheap, tortured byproduct burgers

Quietly nurtured a proud illiteracy to enable our puppet leaders to simplify choices and explanations

Sold defense, banking, insurance, oil, agriculture and healthcare oligopolies our unhindered access

Made damn sure our progress wasn’t stalled by wastefully expensive environmental non-issues

Looked forward to a 1000 Year Reich powered only by ever-increasing consumer credit spending

Erected Import temple malls using illegales working with the cheapest materials available

Spent more per year than all other countries combined on defense to hold off their bogeymen

Doggedly recognized the evils of that tired socialism as it continually raised its ugly, wornout head

Mouthed ‘You can’t stop progress’ as the ultimate rationale for all our smash and grab profit

Impersonally advanced society via outsourcing engineering, production and support overseas

Gifted our sage leaders huge non-refundable bonuses based on the quarterly stock numbers

Institutionalized calls for more study as a method for defeating all forms of junk regulatory proposals

Ended each and every speech with the unashamed exceptionist demand that God Bless America

Used ‘too costly in jobs and money’ as a durable defense against any and all intrusive regulation

Entrusted our future to greed-blinded, furtive corporate leaders and their camera-hungry politicians

Called for Personal Responsibility while callously shedding pensions, debts and workers

Subsidized an unarmed takeover by illegal Hispanics as we fought a faraway war on terror

Replaced long-term planning with stall tactics until issues could be deemed too expensive to address

Hallucinated a healthy long-term economy powered only by financial services and retail sales

Denied our total reliance upon a healthy environment using the phony shibboleth of jobs and families

Piled debts upon the future even as we furiously wasted the resources they would need to pay them

Named as our Best and Brightest the vain who created quasi-mathematical financial Ponzi schemes

Ruled that externalities like water and air were not problems for either business or government

Left our soils, crops and animals to the ever monthly cost and stock price watchful evil eye of BigAg

Declared that the future would take care of itself if only left free of burdensome gov’t regulations

Divorced ourselves from natural cycles in favor of mass immersion in co-opted, vapid media trends

Infused our loud and willful ignorance with self-granted righteousness and unwarranted macho pride

Increasingly relied on overseas sources for vitals such as technology, food, drugs and consumer goods

Sarcastically belittled the stupid freaking foreigners from our exalted position as Gods chosen people

Finally Beyond All These Prejudices

They finally got that knee jerk reaction towards blacks somewhat under conscious control

Not automatically hating real estate agents, politicians, lawyers or even bankers on sight

They gave up the ugly stereotypes of those pushing all their stuff around in dirty grocery carts

Probably every conservative doesn’t live solely on a spiritual diet of angry sound bites

The visible fact that they are extremely ugly may just no longer cost them every promotion

Never again will we be forced into war by the jealousy of our own, the one and only, true God

Don’t get nauseous now from men dressed only in spandex grape holders, kissing on parade floats

Stopped up that inner voice that always screamed FAT, FAT, FAT when talking to an obese person

Won’t tighten up in anger just hearing some foreign language speakers in our clean town park

Quelled the autonomous shut-down reaction they always had to wornout socialist planning ideas

Don’t unconsciously under-rate those pushy and loud-mouthed short people anymore

Quit labeling climate zealots as misguided zombies in a costly plot to end our sovereignty

Learned not to resent the tenured and incompetent, leaned-in Mommies now in charge

Aren’t quite as ready to bomb baby killers in their godless abortion clinics in Jesus’ name

Got around to thinking that likely all neegros aren’t inferior, addicted, whoring and lazy bastards

And blacks no longer view the flood of illegales as trying to steal their welfare birthrights

Feeling maybe the French couldn’t really be such clueless, yellow, old-European snobs

Not as callously dismissing Compassionate Conservatism by simply reviewing its historical results

Wont be teasing, taunting and beating the geeks and scientists quite as often as we used to

Maybe those battered old Hondas really don’t threaten our exceptionist 9 passenger SUV lifestyle

They can look right past that whatever race as easily as they can ignore some damn sheethead

Stopped seeing every bumbling project manager as but a whining, backbiting, ass-kissing loser

Even thinking how recycling, conservation and efficiency might not just be some wacko conspiracy

Feeling more and more like lobbyists may be there to simply try and help us all get along better

Don’t try to see just how close they can get their pickups to them candy-ass bicyclists anymore

Aren’t calling the Clean Coal people the very embodiment of all that is evil in the world right now

Stopped viewing illegal immigration as if it were some sort of vast, liberal-backed invasion

Losing the urge to punch out those heavyset, shorthaired, fatfaced butches with the cute girlfriends

Finally drinking the Self Responsibility Kool-Aid instead of playing that oh-so tattered race card

Not thinking pushy Jews control finance and Hollywood while pulling a holocaust on the Palestinians

Ended their bloody Jihads and now even tolerate other false and unworthy Islamic sects

Wont commit more Tibetan-style genocides by Han replacement and cultural extinction

Wont see voters as sheep to be bought with expensive, dumbed-down, homey sound bites

Trying to stop accounting for employees simply as costs to be slashed to earn even more fat bonuses

Promising to look the handicapped in the eyes but not remake the world in their crippled images

No longer view their elders as irrelevant, senile fools with a duty to just get out of the way and die

Traditional Family Values, Copyright© USA

The right to morbid obesity is one thing I know we fought for way back during the Big One

Our forefathers most certainly would stretch their unemployment checks farther, down to Wal*Mart

We’ve sent our pre-diabetic and amoral children to simply be warehoused at schools for generations

The holy bible has always fostered a willful ignorance resulting in our ongoing righteous intolerance

Guzzling cheap beer from automated factories is a time-honored tradition we intend to honor forever

The founding fathers too, waltzed away from pointless credit card, ARM and HELOC debts

American families have been perpetually alert against big government healthcare takeovers

We’ve always relied on cheap imports built by slaves to artificially raise our offshored living standard

It is a time-honored tradition to graze on sugar, salt and fat before littering its plastic packaging

And daddy still brings home the ritual Double-meat-bacon-cheeseburgers for his nuclear family

Really, we’ve always only wanted giant, inefficient, over-priced road hogs, built to wear out quickly

Physical inactivity is another one of freedom’s rewards we all enjoy, but too often take for granted

The right to randomly produce loud noise during witless wreckreation shall not be taken from us

Like those who came before us, we can carry concealed weapons to church for self-protection

Good families have passed down obesity, heart disease and high blood pressure thru the ages

Our traditional family values truly are not some new ad campaign spouted by rightwing media heroes

A scornful pride in their illiteracy runs deep among those who have always answered freedom’s call

Yankee ingenuity lives on in our innovative outsourcing of design, production and support

Laying stuporous for hours, bathed in vapid electronic images, is a time-honored practice

Abusing successive waves of immigrants goes all the way back to our revered colonial times

Twisting literal scripture has encased us in a thought-relieving faith since time immemorial

Our native practicality and common sense have always protected us against that junk science

Pointless Spartan thrift was replaced by go-go, negative savings rate consumerism centuries ago

Unregulated, leveraged development progress shows the vitality of our hallowed personal freedoms

Factory institutionalization of their parents has long been a rite of passage for those of middle age

We have forever parroted as revealed truth the soundbites of smarmy, overpaid talking heads

Consumer spending and financial services have always been the true engines of our great economy

Long have we ignored the source of the food we graze upon and the energy we thoughtlessly waste

We hold as self-evident that every child should get shiny medals and not be left behind

The longstanding right to finance electronic gizzies shall not be abridged by socialist thrifties

Self-responsibility has ever been required when cast aside at 50 by the faceless multinationals

Preemptively-defensive wars of liberation have been our hallowed right, throughout our history

We’ve always had to decipher deliberately smallprint legalese to wager upon our retirements

We, too, are prepared to tithe 40% of all of our life savings to healthcare during our last year

A/C, heat, light, media, malls, cars and phones remain, as ever, part of our enduring heritage

Mindlessly chanting flavored slogans shall forever remain the way we cope with unnerving complexity