Blindfolded Republican Social Optimization

Our sacred property rights guarantee we can bulldoze no-money-down land for short-term profits

Nobody would even dare raise the immoral question of taxing our sacred religious franchises

The government cannot alter our blessed constitutional rights by banning assault weapons

Earnings go to private enterprise and pointless cleanup is simply intrusive liberal over-regulation

Christ belongs within our government – But you best keep the damn government out of our business

Abortion is a mortal sin but our 4 in 10 fatherless children can be ignored as simply God’s Will

Federal agencies can freely invade any citizen’s privacy and, yes, they may do so in utmost secrecy

Habitat and species preservation are not the responsibility of either government or business

Even if it were not a junk science hoax, climate change is far too complex and expensive to address

We do not torture but know that advanced interrogation methods saved thousands of American lives

You must believe that our bailouts prevented the collapse of the world economy into depression

Spending more on our military than all other countries combined is unquestionably beyond discussion

It is my god-given constitutional right to use an idling 5 ton SUV as my own personal air-conditioner

Regulating and taxing marijuana would surely increase hard drug use and lead to further moral decay

Expenses of clean air and water are neither the concern of business nor the province of government

Fostering profit-motivated solutions will ensure the best healthcare for our poor, sick and elderly

Free market-based pursuit of individual and corporate happiness blindly optimizes our family lives

Voluntary industry guidelines are far more effective than any heavy-handed government regulation

Though evolution is an unproven theory, survival of the fittest does apply to our free enterprise

We may blithely discount the opinions and beliefs of foreigners from our god-granted higher ground

Inviting industry leaders to create government policy behind closed doors fosters democracy

Globalization is inevitable and leads almost altruistically to different lives for everyone

Clean coal is a viable and green, thrifty and quick solution to attain our energy independence

The economic benefits of tax breaks for the richest trickle down to lift the disadvantaged below

Look, the bible plainly states that marriage is a contract, valid only between a man and a woman

We are duty-bound to increase our population to counter the growth of our potential enemies

We are a nation of laws - Laws that we may footnote with signing statements and failure to fund

Outsourced workers must take Personal Responsibility for their own retirement and healthcare needs

Companies must shed their pension obligations to remain competitive in the global marketplace

We must pay closeted CEOs millions or we will lose their immeasurable but irreplaceable talent

We feel we are getting the same engineering expertise overseas at a mere fraction of the cost

Our nonrefundable bonuses based on short term stock price clearly enhance the future of society

Voluntary recycling is a merit badge decision which remains of dubious value to any free society

Real estate developers and their salesmen work conscientiously to better all of our futures

Entrepreneurs who hire illegales do not contribute to some non-violent takeover of our land

All of our exceptionist policies are based upon the reality of our status as god’s one chosen people

God Granted Me This Fairytale Serenity

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change”

I note, freed of that dark anxiety, the global mass extinction our over-existence nurtures every day

Calmly I accept the reality of a hotter, drier, dustier and dirtier world, where we all must live

No more do I trouble my mind over CO2 levels to which I must contribute but cannot control

I pursue zenlike tranquility, emptying my mind by flipping channels thru potentially anxious nights

Unregulated exotic chemicals in our drinking water can no longer disturb my meditative state

I placidly accept the degradation, poisoning and erosion of our precious soil by industrial agriculture

Loss of habitat does not threaten me, as I twitter safe and warm here in my techno-burrow

I gaze into that hazy and starless urban night with what I can construe to be a quiet satisfaction

There is a blind equanimity to be found in simply ignoring the poverty and suffering of others

Deep media immersion smothers and deafens any anxiety which might falsely overcome me

In a benignly-induced trance, I emptily partake of our grisly and unsustainable food chain

Verily does my true spirit rise above the ever-knottier cluster constituting our irreversible advance

God granted me the serenity to shut the hell up, bend over and take all that which I cannot change

I sagely accept that selfish vanity, greed and insecurity are key traits of modern day leaders

Endlessly repeating the simple mantra of You Cant Stop Progress properly spins my spiritual journey

I quietly condone piling debt on their futures while we waste the resources they need to pay them

I have learned that worry over our huge number of self-inflicted crises is but a false shibboleth

I can rightly get on with the future and leave our guilty past behind in a jumbled, half-forgotten blur

It is with a certain calm that I adapt the insensate gouging of good croplands into cheap stripmalls

My health and happiness have been enhanced by letting go my fuzzy and unrealistic youthful idealism

Trust in the wisdom of His inscrutable way has banished the awful uncertainty which beset me

I am able to drive right on past our decaying infrastructure without even a second thought

A vision of the seas as stripmined, unregulated dumps can no longer perturb my cauterized emotions

No more must I futilely obsess over our sacred, morbidly-bloated, utterly-wasteful military budget

I lost fear of bearing personal-responsibility for my own uninsured health and scam-complex finances

I simply cast aside the burden of wasted anger over our people’s ignorance, illiteracy and attitude

That I must work until at least 70 but will be laid off for good at 50 no longer fills me with dread

With the sublime detachment granted me by my meds I disassociate myself from humanity’s future

I have made a lasting peace with all the eternal, random, angry and empty noise we produce

Internalizing the temporal nature of our vast wastefulness allows me to see far without seeing it

Accepting our unique possession of eternal souls has revealed the wisdom of our divine dominion

Now I can embrace my tenured dull manager who remains willfully ignorant and bristles with venality

I can blandly cope with their artificially-induced stress over arbitrary deadlines on useless projects

I have been imparted the ability to disagree with a silence that they act upon as my tacit acceptance

It has come as a relief to see how easily I place ever more on that big pile of things I cannot change

God has granted me the wisdom to overlook, ignore, compartmentalize or be far too busy for

Certainly Mankind Is No Cancer

And there is a market-based solution for every ill…

Filthy, unplanned, sprawling slums girdling the worlds cities surely pose no global threat

This purported mass extinction does not implicate humanity in a bogus global holocaust

Those who view man as a plague upon their neutered New Age paradise deserve our scorn

Our growing population certainly does not threaten some storybook eco-loco balance

Aliens would not view the flowering of humanity as a swarming of maggots upon the earth

Our rightful ascendancy is wrongly seen by the green zombies as destructive and temporary

We are properly concerned first and primarily with the economies which feed our good families

War is not some outdated, insane societal flaw but an ethical, moral and genetic imperative

Man is no cancer spreading to threaten fairytale, otherwise healthy and stable ecosystems

Our progress is not intimately bound to the degradation of air, water, soil and biodiversity

Look, capitalism simply mirrors nature’s unassailable law of survival of the fittest

Socialist planning is not the answer to the overblown problems invented by the squishes

Our corporate fishing fleets certainly do not constitute some vast strip-mining of the seas

Worldwide rain forest timber harvests simply are not as destructive as a vocal minority claims

Spreading deserts and melting ice are natural phenomena to which we can adapt, if necessaery

Adding artificial taxes on emissions quickly taints the purity of the sublime free market system

Damming and channelizing rivers for water, flood control and power are not at all acts of evil

Blowing soil erosion along with heavy doses of fertilizers, pesticides and fossil water is not sinful

Our triumphantly-righteous spread is falsely viewed by whimpering vegans as totally unsustainable

Their twisted world view labels nearly all of our progress as some kind of malignant metastization

They would have our families crouch in cold darkness chewing on rotten organic vegetables

Our economic growth cannot reasonably be described as a blind and greedy self-destruction

Unlike microbes on Agar plates, human numbers are not governed by kings or natural resources

Their Chicken Little fables of earthly collapse are tactics to stifle our sincere efforts at progress

Providing honest clean coal energy at low prices to consumers is no crime against humanity

Eco scare tactics are mostly used to preserve their elite viewsheds and keep out the working class

Our civilization is certainly no scabby pox upon some illusory pristine and perfect earth

For the love of god, we must actually quicken development to feed our growing numbers

Human society is not some temporary destructive aberration which must soon disappear

Our survival is not intimately linked to that of the lower microbes, plants or even animals

We most certainly are not selfishly dumping problems beyond our abilities upon future generations

It is immoral to label the, likely only temporary, side effects of our progress as wanton devastation

Hey, we could all still be hunter-gatherers shivering in caves with barely fire and dogs on our sides

Our tools, society and unique souls have separated us from the beasts and there is no going back

The future generations they say we are abandoning will revere our works with awestruck wonder

So-called habitat destruction is actually the flowering of the culture ordained by our one true god

Turns Out

Turns out there really were some reasons why we needed them silly bugs and birds and frogs

Now we see we should have been a little bit more careful with our once rich farming soils

It’s hard to believe that overfishing a few species brought on such a broad collapse

Who could have ever imagined that we weren’t actually our only one true god’s chosen people?

Guess we really should have paid just a little bit more attention to our crashing literacy rate

Turns out it was foolish to always spend so much building costly weapons and ginning up wars

Unexpectedly, it’s revealed that mergers and acquisitions were only for creating lavish bonuses

Despite everyone’s firm beliefs, that fabulous real estate bubble burst, just like all the others

Whoever would’ve thought the free market wouldn’t provide affordable universal healthcare?

Somehow we never noticed at all as we so rapidly tainted our vast stores of clean, fresh water

Turns out that our sheer numbers created problems too expensive and complex for us to fix

Wow, so those constantly rising temperatures really did mean something, in the end

Didn’t realize that sterile, bio-engineered moncrops would all succumb at once to identical pests

So surprised that filling the oceans with plastic particulates would collapse the marine food chain

Struck dumb by finally noticing that, when all the oil was gone, we hadn’t sought real alternatives

Turns out the bankers got it all so very wrong, even without burdensome government regulation

Turns out we shouldn’t have rolled empty credit card debt into our homes as often as possible

Why look at this, it really was stupid to pay $200/mo for phones and $150/mo for cable

Huh, so, snowmobiling, jetskiing and OHVing are actually destructive and not just family recreation?

Well, goddamn, those outsourced jobs don’t actually make way for the new and better ones for us

Maybe letting the greedy, vain and sociopathic be self-appointed Masters of the universe was wrong

Turns out that conglomerates could find it legal and moral to profitably adulterate their products

We never dreamed they’d lay us off forever at 50, in debt, with no savings, pensions or insurance

Cutting costs by blindly trusting outsourced, foreign ingredients wound up poisoning customers

Looks like giant, shoddily-built, energy-wasting McMansions might not be the way going forward

Stunningly, doctors and Pharma realized they made much more money on treatment than prevention

Turns out stalling safety regulations for more research always saved firms money in the short run

Later on, their own bloated estimates indisputably proved the problems were far too expensive to fix

Come to find out all our thousand tiny household sources did add up to a major pollution issue

How surprised we were to learn that double meat bacon cheeseburgers were not actually healthy

It seems silly that dutiful paper recycling was sent all the way to china just to wrap up more imports

Turns out the big banks were actually blackmailing the market with demands for a no-strings bailout

Turns out their imaginary only one true god was on their side just as much as our own was with us

Nobody guessed our kid’s future would not be brighter than our own was, once we were done here

Oddly, the all-important economy collapsed once it destroyed the very ecosystems that supported it

Turns out not even a trace of our messy presence remained after the passing of but one geologic era

Building Merica’s Thousand Year Reich

And thusly, would it remain forever, Morning In Merica

Believed that “change is the way of all things” is a justification for endless greedy takings

Demeaned science as fuzzy yet maintained a crystal clear vision of His paradise, awaiting us

Never took the time to make sense of things yet still wondered why the old were all so confused

Preached that market competition would efficiently & automatically solve any and all social ills

Spoke of our values and traditions as we tossed aside more valuable recyclables each and every day

Went forth multiplying blindly, blissfully righteous, given the blessings of our very own one true god

Wisely kept government out of the so-called business of habitat and species preservation

Built strong children in front of TV on factory white bread and cheap, tortured byproduct burgers

Quietly nurtured a proud illiteracy to enable our puppet leaders to simplify choices and explanations

Sold defense, banking, insurance, oil, agriculture and healthcare oligopolies our unhindered access

Made damn sure our progress wasn’t stalled by wastefully expensive environmental non-issues

Looked forward to a 1000 Year Reich powered only by ever-increasing consumer credit spending

Erected Import temple malls using illegales working with the cheapest materials available

Spent more per year than all other countries combined on defense to hold off their bogeymen

Doggedly recognized the evils of that tired socialism as it continually raised its ugly, wornout head

Mouthed ‘You can’t stop progress’ as the ultimate rationale for all our smash and grab profit

Impersonally advanced society via outsourcing engineering, production and support overseas

Gifted our sage leaders huge non-refundable bonuses based on the quarterly stock numbers

Institutionalized calls for more study as a method for defeating all forms of junk regulatory proposals

Ended each and every speech with the unashamed exceptionist demand that God Bless America

Used ‘too costly in jobs and money’ as a durable defense against any and all intrusive regulation

Entrusted our future to greed-blinded, furtive corporate leaders and their camera-hungry politicians

Called for Personal Responsibility while callously shedding pensions, debts and workers

Subsidized an unarmed takeover by illegal Hispanics as we fought a faraway war on terror

Replaced long-term planning with stall tactics until issues could be deemed too expensive to address

Hallucinated a healthy long-term economy powered only by financial services and retail sales

Denied our total reliance upon a healthy environment using the phony shibboleth of jobs and families

Piled debts upon the future even as we furiously wasted the resources they would need to pay them

Named as our Best and Brightest the vain who created quasi-mathematical financial Ponzi schemes

Ruled that externalities like water and air were not problems for either business or government

Left our soils, crops and animals to the ever monthly cost and stock price watchful evil eye of BigAg

Declared that the future would take care of itself if only left free of burdensome gov’t regulations

Divorced ourselves from natural cycles in favor of mass immersion in co-opted, vapid media trends

Infused our loud and willful ignorance with self-granted righteousness and unwarranted macho pride

Increasingly relied on overseas sources for vitals such as technology, food, drugs and consumer goods

Sarcastically belittled the stupid freaking foreigners from our exalted position as Gods chosen people

Analyzing Human Extinction

They might have been viewed as precursors, had their line not ended quite so abruptly

Their culture could possibly have evolved into more than a simple, greedy self-destruction

Maybe their fossils would have been enshrined in chapels, museums and laboratories

Looking at their petrified remains might have even inspired great awe and wonder in little ones

Their lifestyle in an ancient era would have been a lesson to their grateful descendants

Emergence from a rough and tumble past might have resulted later, in a state of grace

Their patchwork history and tattered legends could have easily anchored great cultures

Viewed as ancestors, their violent habits would have been seen in a totally different light

They might have passed on valuable lessons from out of a vast sea of ancient experience

Perhaps distant progeny would have honored them and sought out their blessings

It might have been possible that they formed the stem of a still-flowering species tree

Their DNA could have contributed to something beyond their short, harsh and angry tale

Had their seed carried on, their venal struggles might not now appear so foolish and so vain

Were they not evolutionary dead-ends their violence and waste might possibly make sense

Without wantonly destroying their supporting environment, they could have carried on

Possibly, if they did not extinguish so many other species, they could have even loved one another

Outcomes may have differed if their myths had endowed everlasting souls to all living things

Could have survived had they not gifted themselves exclusive domain over their one planet

Maybe their self-granted commandment to be fruitful resulted in their toxic overpopulation

Certainly the warfare demanded by their many one true gods contributed to their demise

They might not have shambled off into early oblivion had they escaped their own Social Darwinism

If they could have appreciated their inheritance, they might have planned for their legacy

Perhaps not basing their economy on shortsighted greed would have led to more success

Finally taking action only after they had collapsed their ecosystem was not a viable survival strategy

Maybe not gauging their progress solely upon extractive consumption would have helped

Trusting in ponzi perpetual growth instead of steady state survival probably aided their demise

Their never-begotten offspring might not have disdained their elders as irrelevant fools

Had they the sense not to bring on a mass extinction, things might have been very different

Possibly their urge to killing did not serve them as self-appointed stewards of the earth

Maybe market solutions were not appropriate for blindly solving all of their world’s problems

Basing price on demand did not ensure the long-term availability of any of their finite resources

Placing their bloated population’s marketed needs before the one planet that sustained them failed

They might have explored the universe had they not destroyed their own spaceship earth

In the end, their perpetual and expensive warfare did not confer to them any survival advantage

If they had not always followed monomaniacal will-to-power freaks, they might still exist

But, instead, they are rightly known as the precursors of nothing and the ancestors to no living beings

Never Quite Living Within Our Means

Been asking how them 3^rd worlders get by on less than we spend on a damn dog that we just ignore

Discovered we had made our full share of fool, empty noise and then some - Quite a while ago

Financing smaller portions of our happiness lately as it always seems to go stale so quickly now

Got too little righteousness left to keep demanding that everybody else listen to our wise counsel

Even started to consider paying interest on the vast debt we’ve lavished upon our descendants

Trying to find some homemade alternatives to unaffordably eating out 6 or 7 times a week

Laying off the yardmen, oilchangers maids, doggroomers pedicurists, lifecoaches and whatnot

Stopped trying to export morality when we finally realized our own precious children aint got none

Stunned to see we cant afford to keep on doubling our sacred arms spending every ten years

Radicals among us are questioning $100 a month just sos the kids can send unlimited texts

The perpetual $150 cable and internet plans are raisin our outsourced eyebrows, as well

Even wondering if our vast good fortune might not be just dumb luck, and not gods divine blessing

Shrill voices are whining that Middle East war and oil dollars should stay right here at home

Gonna step away from this ratcheting, underwater mortgage we’ve re-fied twice for free money

I’ll get a less expensive lease on a new car and then walk away from that tired, 3 year-old dog

To maintain a competitive financial position, even our banks stopped paying their own debts

We’re savin big on generic cigarettes, beer, hamburg and chips – And, Hell, we’re gettin by

Learning thrift, gambling with my 401k on the market and getting point1% interest at the bank

Realizing we must become experts in complex financial cons and medical insurance billing scams

And now even TV says you cant finance the lifestyle of the rich and famous on a negative savings rate

There are even some whispers that we cant afford to act out as world cowboy sheriff no more

Let em go ahead and repo the snowmobile and jetski and the OHV - They’re trashed anyway

Getting our house in order by slashing education, environment and child welfare spending

Realizing we need to welcome foreign workers to come help pay for our forced early retirements

Cutting costs not having the Chinese build em better than they have to be, or even ever to be fixed

Emerging competitive from bankruptcy by reneging on all promised retiree benefit obligations

Showing financial sense by strategically defaulting on my fortune in mindless credit card debt

Wondering about all those worn-but-once clothes hanging there catching dust in the wife’s closet

Supporting drilling deregelation cause gas prices are way too high for the honest working man

Its becoming clear that Clean Coal is The quick and cheap, green way to energy independence

Started bringing lunch from home now and again, and, Hey, it ain’t even really all that bad

Demanding a smaller government, under God, but you best keep your hands off of my Medicare

Postponing water, sewer and power, school and dam, road and bridge funding until way later

Some are suggesting that even ever more school money will never be enough to replace parenting

Forgoing dental care, prescription drugs and doctor visits sos we can just pay the rent and eat

Yep, finally startin to realize that Within our means dont really mean With no money down