Not In Our Exceptionist Backyard

Let the damn fool Euros go off and smash them whatever hadrons together, anyways

Wont find the tallest skyscrapers anywhere close to this proudly neglected urban blight

Not Even building the largest dams ta produce the most hydroelectric power around here

Ain’t taking the lead in some kind of flaky asteroid investigation mission, either, dammit

Don’t be looking for no far-too-expensive high speed rail in this here one nation under god

That next-gen thorium powerplant wont get built close to our artificially green backyards

My hopey-dopey-changey neighbor’s new solar panels are from china, not sunny SoCal

The greedy innovators of our banking geniuses aren’t backing no micro-finance revolution here

Not foolish enough to tax carbon emissions and threaten our mighty, yet oh-so fragile economy

Waitin on them Asians to ship us tiny, efficient cars that meet our new economic stations

We’re flocking overseas for treatment despite our havin the Worlds Finest Healthcare System

Listen, our kids dont need to be in the global top 10 in reading, math or science ta lead the world

Lettin others innovate that expensive smart power grid before we buy into it  - from them

Energy efficiency and buildin to last is simply not part of our Traditional Family Values®

Just get all them foreign PhDs on back outta here to teach and research and do startups at home

Our agribusiness don’t need ta lead globally by example in protecting precious farming topsoil

Wont find that worlds fastest internet in my neighborhood, not by a long shot, no Siree

Not even trying to produce like more food using less water, fertilizer and pesticides

But we are energetically increasing both our illiteracy and incarceration rates at the same time

Turnin our backs on reason, science and education just as fast as any heathen ayrab foreigners

Lettin our once-good drinking water poison us even as them Bangladeshis finally get clean wells

Nudgin our offshored multitudes towards the peasant lifestyle as Asians take to our former level

Not even demonstratin the benefits of diet, exercise and clean living to the whole world

Arent leading globally in bringing solar, wind and geothermal energy online either, by god

Satisfied back in the international pack in life expectancy, nutrition and infant mortality

Caint create the better jobs they promised when they reaped huge bonuses fer outsourcing us

Spineless coalition building aint catching on with us, the proudly polarized and paralyzed

Wont find none of our giant gas-guzzlers on the jammed streets of any crowded Asian city

Aren’t giving up our global lead in obesity, diabetes and hypertension, no way, not on your life

Proud to stand up against this costly, intrusive, messy and socialistic recycling hoax

Don’t ever bet on us not spending more on arms than all the rest of them losers combined

Aren’t building the newest ships here to bring over our imported oil and electronic gizzies

Replacing manufacturing with no-benefit, poverty-level service jobs faster than them all

Focusing on important issues like flag burning, abortion, gay rights, school prayer and gun laws

Not signing on ta this sustainability scam with the wack and weak-kneed one-worlders

Relying on god and the free marketplace for solutions, not their tired, failed social planning crap

It Ain’t My Libtard Place

How you choose to burn the fuel you’ve by God paid for ain’t no freekin concern of mine

It ain’t none of my business how much noise your gas-powered toys jam down everbody’s ears

I shouldn’t mention that your emissions foul the air for myself and all of our descendants

I just need to shut the fuck up about your so-called recreation destroying our precious national lands

It ain’t my place to say you don’t need a shoddy but retail-outlet-sized house for 4 people

Who am I to tell you to help curb overpopulation by limiting your precious children?

How dare I suggest our traditional values to be merely some recently ginned-up political advertising?

On which socialist authority do I demand that you lose a few pounds of your pseudo-muscular fat?

I shouldn’t say that we don’t have a god-given right to cheap goods made by asian slave labor

By whose socialist decree do I try and make you go out and do some boring and stupid exercise?

It takes me a lot of gall to say your kids should learn grammar and spelling before they start texting

How dare I put the ecosystems that support us all in front of your good jobs and family welfare?

It ain’t my business if you choose to use your idling truck for an overweight personal air-conditioner

By what right do I ask you to turn down the music after you paid to get into this here campground?

it takes me a lotta cowardly nerve to say that we need to drastically reduce military spending

It’s way elitist of me to contend that you’ll only ever fight global warming with your thermostats

It ain’t my place to criticize a bailout for your over-leveraged, underwater home loan

Who gave me the authority to demand that you drive some skinny vegan electric car?

Why should I think you should take interest in world events instead of watching NFL and NASCAR?

I got no right to make you give up double meat bacon cheeseburgers or yer 40 oz, Mountain Dew

It ain’t my business that you drive alone to the cube farm in an SUV built for 8 obese adults

How dare I to mutter yer one true god don’t bless America and we really ain’t his one chosen people?

It ain’t any of my concern that Ponzi finance traders make 19000 times more than average folks

Why should I actually care if the future is over-populated, strip-mined, poisoned and always at war?

It ain’t my job to preach that we used up the resources needed to pay the debts we leave behind

Who am I to judge our closeted corporate leaders who may well be full of eternal wisdom?

Why would I think farmers know better than bonus-driven BigAg execs about sustainable methods?

What gives me the right to reset economic priorities based on junk science and fuzzy math scams?

I can’t arrest you for dropping your food wrappers and smoky butts wherever you see fit

It ain’t up to me to get all in up in your face about your comically-wornout, fairytale religions

Nobody appointed me to tell you that you waste all our resources just wasting your precious time

How can I even dare to suggest that them krauts and frenchies might possibly even have a clue?

Who told me I could pester you with this socialist nonsense of climate change and mass extinctions?

It ain’t my place to bore you with trivial details when there’s something good on the big screen

What the hell was I thinking anyway, trying to tell you what’s right and wrong for you to eat?

No need to listen when I say either all of god’s life forms have a soul or none of us actually can

How Much Progress Is Sustainability Worth?

“This proposal places too much burden on working families in terms of jobs and money” – Senate Majority Leader

How much sulfur emission will it take to keep our happy little family safe and warm

Sweetheart, is that nest of songbirds really worth Daddy’s job down at the cube farm

We don’t actually need any of these butterflies to keep the kids in school, do we, dear

Won’t they still make those happy-ever-after children’s movies even if all the frogs have disappeared

Honey, it really is a choice between our family and those cuddly-looking little bunnies

You see, if they get to live then we might have to change our traditional happy family lifestyle

Nature is real nice and all but daddy’s got to make money to buy us all of this nice stuff

And, you know I would chop forests, bulldoze meadows, poison rivers and stripmine hills just for you

How many good jobs is it worth to dump sex-changing chemicals into the little stream by our house

Just ask lucky pig farm employees where their antibiotics are building stronger MRSA for us all

What do the unemployed loggers say even as their clear cuts still silt up rivers and kill the salmon

How many caribou would I wipe out to still be able to commute alone to work to keep you happy

Little darling, we’re ripping up the fields to plant fake grass to help you grow up safe and secure

Daddy’s got to run that bulldozer so Mom can buy our white bread, chips and hot dogs

Environmental preservation is one of those luxuries our family just can’t afford right now, sweetie

After all, how many steady jobs is an inedible and ugly little desert fish really worth to us at home

Yes my daughter, the roof I put over your head today may indeed add a bit of PCB to your breast milk

But, if we don’t get food on the table today, our kids wont even be here to enjoy what we preserved

So we eat this tortured beef to help bring costs in line with our ever-decreasing spending power

What’s a bit more Grand Canyon smog if it helps attain coal-fired energy independence for our kids

Right, so we should regulate commerce because some exotic mussel may unbalance the Great Lakes

So what should we give up for soil microbes some study contends are so important to agriculture

Look, we’re barely getting by and you say we need to sacrifice more just to clean up the rain

I’ll trade a years work now for your sake against your distant future, my bright-eyed son

Hey, we’re just folks trying to get by and we got to eat and drive to work. Well, don’t we?

That 5 billion lbs of poultry waste drained into the Chesapeake each year keeps chicken in our pot

In the meantime, we only know the house loan just readjusted and the kids need new school clothes

So what if my job doesn’t really yield more than just cheap, takeout environmental destruction

Its worth building shoddy, overpriced dream homes if I can make the payments on the family pickup

Baby, we’re voting for coal and oil so you can grow up and have kids of your own

What percent unemployment would we tolerate just to make the wetlands safe for frogs

How many need go hungry so a few elitists might get to see the stars and experience natural silence

Sing along with Mommie now Drill-Baby-Drill, that’s it honey, once again, Drill-Baby-Drill

Look, we can barely afford our Cell and Cable bills, much less some liberal wacko’s carbon tax

OK, so we just turn down our air-conditioners, keep the windows closed, burn coal and vegout

After all, if we cant put food on the table what’s that fairytale ecosphere worth anyways?