Blindfolded Republican Social Optimization

Our sacred property rights guarantee we can bulldoze no-money-down land for short-term profits

Nobody would even dare raise the immoral question of taxing our sacred religious franchises

The government cannot alter our blessed constitutional rights by banning assault weapons

Earnings go to private enterprise and pointless cleanup is simply intrusive liberal over-regulation

Christ belongs within our government – But you best keep the damn government out of our business

Abortion is a mortal sin but our 4 in 10 fatherless children can be ignored as simply God’s Will

Federal agencies can freely invade any citizen’s privacy and, yes, they may do so in utmost secrecy

Habitat and species preservation are not the responsibility of either government or business

Even if it were not a junk science hoax, climate change is far too complex and expensive to address

We do not torture but know that advanced interrogation methods saved thousands of American lives

You must believe that our bailouts prevented the collapse of the world economy into depression

Spending more on our military than all other countries combined is unquestionably beyond discussion

It is my god-given constitutional right to use an idling 5 ton SUV as my own personal air-conditioner

Regulating and taxing marijuana would surely increase hard drug use and lead to further moral decay

Expenses of clean air and water are neither the concern of business nor the province of government

Fostering profit-motivated solutions will ensure the best healthcare for our poor, sick and elderly

Free market-based pursuit of individual and corporate happiness blindly optimizes our family lives

Voluntary industry guidelines are far more effective than any heavy-handed government regulation

Though evolution is an unproven theory, survival of the fittest does apply to our free enterprise

We may blithely discount the opinions and beliefs of foreigners from our god-granted higher ground

Inviting industry leaders to create government policy behind closed doors fosters democracy

Globalization is inevitable and leads almost altruistically to different lives for everyone

Clean coal is a viable and green, thrifty and quick solution to attain our energy independence

The economic benefits of tax breaks for the richest trickle down to lift the disadvantaged below

Look, the bible plainly states that marriage is a contract, valid only between a man and a woman

We are duty-bound to increase our population to counter the growth of our potential enemies

We are a nation of laws - Laws that we may footnote with signing statements and failure to fund

Outsourced workers must take Personal Responsibility for their own retirement and healthcare needs

Companies must shed their pension obligations to remain competitive in the global marketplace

We must pay closeted CEOs millions or we will lose their immeasurable but irreplaceable talent

We feel we are getting the same engineering expertise overseas at a mere fraction of the cost

Our nonrefundable bonuses based on short term stock price clearly enhance the future of society

Voluntary recycling is a merit badge decision which remains of dubious value to any free society

Real estate developers and their salesmen work conscientiously to better all of our futures

Entrepreneurs who hire illegales do not contribute to some non-violent takeover of our land

All of our exceptionist policies are based upon the reality of our status as god’s one chosen people

Ignoring Harmful Economic Externalities

Externality -A consequence of an economic activity that is experienced by unrelated third parties

Silt-filled rivers are no concern of those whose livelihoods depend on the timber harvest

Heavy metals leaching after the mine closed is not part of their successful business plan

Product and packaging disposal or reclamation has no place in an accurate profit model

Emission restrictions are useless job-killing taxes, not production expenses or investments

Reneging on pension and bond obligations permits us to be competitive going forward

We need not consider public services in our housing and commercial development plans

Requiring the cleanup of acid-laced lakes is an unfair competitive burden on coal power plants

We must remain free to emit all our new compounds with no responsibility for unknown effects

Air and water are inexhaustible free goods available to all producers and consumers

Industrial diseases are basically unintended, but necessary, by-products of our good progress

Business production planning naturally seeks to avoid the extra expense of waste disposal

Any mandated expenses distort the free market, but our government subsidies are a necessity

Prevention may be important, but our profit model only requires treatment and drugs

Social programs are horribly inefficient yet insurers cannot compete with government healthcare

We rightfully mine fossil water royalty-free to maintain our short-term agricultural profits

Agribusiness firms do not bear responsibility for the runoff that taints our mother’s milk

Ignoring externalities lowers consumer prices and gives producers competitive advantage

Your typically misguided regulation costs too much money and sacrifices too many jobs

Waste disposal firms derive no revenue from proper separation and safe storage practices

Mountain top removal justifiably focuses solely on the efficient extraction of the valuable coal

Rational consumers purchase based on benefits to themselves, not on some hazy future

A sustainable ocean harvest means fewer profits and smaller dividends this quarter

Soil degradation boosts short-term bottom line and earns CorproAg managers fat bonuses

Our responsibility for the fertilizers and weed killers we produce ends at their point of sale

We are, indeed, stewards of this earth but our profit-bound businesses certainly are not

There is no recourse for the regrettable respiratory effects of diesel-powered transport

The loss of songbirds is sad yet inevitable collateral damage of a healthy consumerism

Disposal of cheap, unskilled, young labor has no reportable downsides for globalization

Deplorably, salmon fishing ends because desert farmers need all of the polluted river water

That the rainbow-hued jungle birds take up mercury from the gold mines is merely a real shame

Real estate developers bear no financial burdens for smog, traffic and loss of watersheds

Should your statutes become too burdensome, our production will move where rules are lax

Dead zones at our river mouths are too complicated to stop and too expensive to restore

We need not book any ill-effects of our canned developments on non-renewable tourist areas

Deposits on recyclables are foolish socialist meddling in lawfully completed transactions

Neither government nor business bears the responsibility for the environment that sustains both