The right to morbid obesity is one thing I know we
fought for way back during the Big One
Our forefathers most certainly would stretch their
unemployment checks farther, down to Wal*Mart
We’ve sent our pre-diabetic and amoral children to simply be
warehoused at schools for generations
The holy bible has always fostered a willful ignorance
resulting in our ongoing righteous intolerance
Guzzling cheap beer from automated factories is a
time-honored tradition we intend to honor forever
The founding fathers too, waltzed away from pointless credit
card, ARM and HELOC debts
American families have been perpetually alert against big
government healthcare takeovers
We’ve always relied on cheap imports built by slaves to
artificially raise our offshored living standard
It is a time-honored tradition to graze on sugar, salt and
fat before littering its plastic packaging
And daddy still brings home the ritual
Double-meat-bacon-cheeseburgers for his nuclear family
Really, we’ve always only wanted giant, inefficient,
over-priced road hogs, built to wear out quickly
Physical inactivity is another one of freedom’s
rewards we all enjoy, but too often take for granted
The right to randomly produce loud noise during witless
wreckreation shall not be taken from us
Like those who came before us, we can carry concealed
weapons to church for self-protection
Good families have passed down obesity, heart disease and
high blood pressure thru the ages
Our traditional family values truly are not
some new ad campaign spouted by rightwing media heroes
A scornful pride in their illiteracy runs deep among those
who have always answered freedom’s call
Yankee ingenuity lives on in our innovative outsourcing of
design, production and support
Laying stuporous for hours, bathed in vapid electronic
images, is a time-honored practice
Abusing successive waves of immigrants goes all the way back
to our revered colonial times
Twisting literal scripture has encased us in a
thought-relieving faith since time immemorial
Our native practicality and common sense have always
protected us against that junk science
Pointless Spartan thrift was replaced by go-go, negative
savings rate consumerism centuries ago
Unregulated, leveraged development progress shows the
vitality of our hallowed personal freedoms
Factory institutionalization of their parents has long been
a rite of passage for those of middle age
We have forever parroted as revealed truth the soundbites of
smarmy, overpaid talking heads
Consumer spending and financial services have always been
the true engines of our great economy
Long have we ignored the source of the food we graze upon
and the energy we thoughtlessly waste
We hold as self-evident that every child should get
shiny medals and not be left behind
The longstanding right to finance electronic gizzies shall
not be abridged by socialist thrifties
Self-responsibility has ever been required when cast aside
at 50 by the faceless multinationals
Preemptively-defensive wars of liberation have been our
hallowed right, throughout our history
We’ve always had to decipher deliberately smallprint
legalese to wager upon our retirements
We, too, are prepared to tithe 40% of all of our life
savings to healthcare during our last year
A/C, heat, light, media, malls, cars and phones remain, as
ever, part of our enduring heritage
Mindlessly chanting flavored slogans shall forever remain
the way we cope with unnerving complexity
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