The Vegan Outlaw’s Tale

I’m a skinny vegan outlaw trained on green salads who got whupped by angry steroid shooters

Attacked with only my meditative silence and was drowned out by the social media buzz

Found that all my careful recycling had been so jimmied up that it just made stuff cost more

Asked could they just please enforce the laws as I stood quietly outside of their closed doors

I set them factory chickens free but they was too modified to fly and too heavy to walk away

Tore the Cheetos right from them fat little kids orange fingers and they commenced to swearin

Tried to give em broccoli and carrots but they stoned me with em like some Taliban adulteress

Smoked that organic weed a quarter puff at a time and lost all my focus on our nation’s enemies

Jacked up my Hybrid, painted it camouflage and played an mp3 of a diesel pickup truck real loud

Stayed right on the edge of the road even though they threatened my bike with their big SUVs

Defiantly sought food with less salt, sugar and fat, though I wondered why it cost so much more

Spoke right up about feedlots and slaughterhouses but only drew a volley of sardonic laughter

Took to savin water on my lawn until the home owners association threatened me with foreclosure

Conservatives wrote me off to the lunatic fringe for dissing unregulated factory fishing fleets

Was arrested for Duty Interference when I told two fat cops that donuts led to diabetes

Actually refused free beer if it was that hyped factory sewage pimped by the NFL and NASCAR

Stopped my angry macho posturing as that tofu shrank my muscles and softened my brain

Even cast away my suits and ties, deodorants, shower gels, teeth whiteners and body lotions

No All-Natural chicken fingers or dyed and processed, artificially-smoked meat byproduct logs for me

Couldnt drink anything but a little red wine once them one-worlders was done re-educatin me

Grew blind and deaf to grave terrorist threats due to my narrow focus on local sustainability

Offered the obese some fresh fruit but they just threw it down beside their empty soda cans

People-to-people outreach punctured the hot-air boogeymen hydra they floated all around us

Ate the snow that landed on my tongue even though TV said it was loaded with modern toxins

Was smirkingly-ignored for condemning landfills full of fast food castoffs, aluminum and glass

Branded Soft On Defense for noting that we spend more than all the other countries combined

Turned off my TV but kept on paying for cable, left my cellphone at home for $100 a month

Reared back on my hind legs and even refused to memorize sports stats and catchy ad slogans

They briefly observed my quiet contemplation and knowingly pronounced it boring and stupid

Dreamed of beating their lame, noisy, smoking ATVs and snowmachines into tiny electric cars

Sure, I stopped taking them sawdust fiber supplements and adulterated Chinese multivitamins

Crazily mouthed off right in public that if the animals dont have no souls, then neither do we

Recklessly wanted to gamble all of our futures on clean energy and sustainable agriculture

Got so far out as to even begin to ask why illegal workers got arrested but not their bosses

Reneged on my patriotic duty to charge ever more useless shit I did not need and could not afford

Passively rejected the whole wack scenario by flouting their One True God’s edict to multiply

At Least We'll All Be Gone

That grab-it-now gouging at the face and guts of the earth will have to stop quite soon

That utter waste of building things with which only to kill and destroy, that surely ends as well

Not much longer will all these river systems simply be used by us solely as convenient drains

At least our incessant, foolish, noisy, advertising braying can’t go on forever

Happily, the car salesmen, real estate agents, lawyers and bankers will also disappear, real soon

Thank god that any day now we’ll stop making pointless noise just because we think we can

At least we’ve unknowingly but irrevocably rushed beyond many decisive tipping points

In any case, blowing shit up in celebration will be forgotten in a very short geologic timeframe

The fall of our lamely-glitzed entertainment empire will be a most pleasant side-effect

At least our wasteful but paranoid night lights will be replaced once more by honest darkness

At a minimum, we can rejoice in the eternal loss of the invisible wisdom of our corporate fathers

Thankfully, politicians will no longer read speechesn that their donors had others write for them

At least no more toxic wastes will be illegally dumped secretly, but profitably, in the night

Fool treehuggers wont have to feel responsible for killing off recently-cataloged, unstudied species

Happily the refrain of ‘too expensive in jobs and money’ won’t ever be voiced again

Healthcare rationing will no longer be a worry as both patients and providers rapidly decline

Maybe the ocean will re-attain its balance far more quickly than greenie whiners ever said

Luckily, its impossible for us to expunge every single living cell on this entire planet

At most only 99% of all the amphibians will be poisoned, infected or bulldozed into oblivion

At least the malls will decompose quickly and the McMansions will be rapidly overgrown

In any case, squishes wont be around to whine about how much they miss those stupid songbirds

Adieu to the mass plunder of simple faith by fictional religions twisted to greedy ends

At least the end of corporate-created, artificially-induced over-consumption is close at hand

One good by-product is the silencing of our loud pride in our willful ignorance and illiteracy

Officials wont need expensive fictions to justify preemptively-defensive wars of liberation

At least tons of foolishly wasted reusable resources will no longer be buried with our toxic wastes

The omnipresent backbeat of political and advertising propaganda will fall silent at last

Finally, the Jews and all their many enemies will lay down together in an everlasting peace

At least all of us wont have to pay for yet another of their foolish financial meltdowns

Happily, our teens wont text a thousand empty but expensive messages per week

Our emissions will be cut to nothing without any intrusive regulations or wasteful taxes

We can stop ignoring the fact that our own overpopulation causes almost all of our problems

Mercifully, more 14 hour per day Chinese wage slaves living 20 to a room won’t be needed

Amen to death to any infidels choosing incorrectly from our many fictional One True Gods

Without regrets, the end of our holocaust against the domestic animals will come to pass

At least, it will be quite obvious that we cannot shortchange any more future generations

Analyzing Human Extinction

They might have been viewed as precursors, had their line not ended quite so abruptly

Their culture could possibly have evolved into more than a simple, greedy self-destruction

Maybe their fossils would have been enshrined in chapels, museums and laboratories

Looking at their petrified remains might have even inspired great awe and wonder in little ones

Their lifestyle in an ancient era would have been a lesson to their grateful descendants

Emergence from a rough and tumble past might have resulted later, in a state of grace

Their patchwork history and tattered legends could have easily anchored great cultures

Viewed as ancestors, their violent habits would have been seen in a totally different light

They might have passed on valuable lessons from out of a vast sea of ancient experience

Perhaps distant progeny would have honored them and sought out their blessings

It might have been possible that they formed the stem of a still-flowering species tree

Their DNA could have contributed to something beyond their short, harsh and angry tale

Had their seed carried on, their venal struggles might not now appear so foolish and so vain

Were they not evolutionary dead-ends their violence and waste might possibly make sense

Without wantonly destroying their supporting environment, they could have carried on

Possibly, if they did not extinguish so many other species, they could have even loved one another

Outcomes may have differed if their myths had endowed everlasting souls to all living things

Could have survived had they not gifted themselves exclusive domain over their one planet

Maybe their self-granted commandment to be fruitful resulted in their toxic overpopulation

Certainly the warfare demanded by their many one true gods contributed to their demise

They might not have shambled off into early oblivion had they escaped their own Social Darwinism

If they could have appreciated their inheritance, they might have planned for their legacy

Perhaps not basing their economy on shortsighted greed would have led to more success

Finally taking action only after they had collapsed their ecosystem was not a viable survival strategy

Maybe not gauging their progress solely upon extractive consumption would have helped

Trusting in ponzi perpetual growth instead of steady state survival probably aided their demise

Their never-begotten offspring might not have disdained their elders as irrelevant fools

Had they the sense not to bring on a mass extinction, things might have been very different

Possibly their urge to killing did not serve them as self-appointed stewards of the earth

Maybe market solutions were not appropriate for blindly solving all of their world’s problems

Basing price on demand did not ensure the long-term availability of any of their finite resources

Placing their bloated population’s marketed needs before the one planet that sustained them failed

They might have explored the universe had they not destroyed their own spaceship earth

In the end, their perpetual and expensive warfare did not confer to them any survival advantage

If they had not always followed monomaniacal will-to-power freaks, they might still exist

But, instead, they are rightly known as the precursors of nothing and the ancestors to no living beings