Turns Out

Turns out there really were some reasons why we needed them silly bugs and birds and frogs

Now we see we should have been a little bit more careful with our once rich farming soils

It’s hard to believe that overfishing a few species brought on such a broad collapse

Who could have ever imagined that we weren’t actually our only one true god’s chosen people?

Guess we really should have paid just a little bit more attention to our crashing literacy rate

Turns out it was foolish to always spend so much building costly weapons and ginning up wars

Unexpectedly, it’s revealed that mergers and acquisitions were only for creating lavish bonuses

Despite everyone’s firm beliefs, that fabulous real estate bubble burst, just like all the others

Whoever would’ve thought the free market wouldn’t provide affordable universal healthcare?

Somehow we never noticed at all as we so rapidly tainted our vast stores of clean, fresh water

Turns out that our sheer numbers created problems too expensive and complex for us to fix

Wow, so those constantly rising temperatures really did mean something, in the end

Didn’t realize that sterile, bio-engineered moncrops would all succumb at once to identical pests

So surprised that filling the oceans with plastic particulates would collapse the marine food chain

Struck dumb by finally noticing that, when all the oil was gone, we hadn’t sought real alternatives

Turns out the bankers got it all so very wrong, even without burdensome government regulation

Turns out we shouldn’t have rolled empty credit card debt into our homes as often as possible

Why look at this, it really was stupid to pay $200/mo for phones and $150/mo for cable

Huh, so, snowmobiling, jetskiing and OHVing are actually destructive and not just family recreation?

Well, goddamn, those outsourced jobs don’t actually make way for the new and better ones for us

Maybe letting the greedy, vain and sociopathic be self-appointed Masters of the universe was wrong

Turns out that conglomerates could find it legal and moral to profitably adulterate their products

We never dreamed they’d lay us off forever at 50, in debt, with no savings, pensions or insurance

Cutting costs by blindly trusting outsourced, foreign ingredients wound up poisoning customers

Looks like giant, shoddily-built, energy-wasting McMansions might not be the way going forward

Stunningly, doctors and Pharma realized they made much more money on treatment than prevention

Turns out stalling safety regulations for more research always saved firms money in the short run

Later on, their own bloated estimates indisputably proved the problems were far too expensive to fix

Come to find out all our thousand tiny household sources did add up to a major pollution issue

How surprised we were to learn that double meat bacon cheeseburgers were not actually healthy

It seems silly that dutiful paper recycling was sent all the way to china just to wrap up more imports

Turns out the big banks were actually blackmailing the market with demands for a no-strings bailout

Turns out their imaginary only one true god was on their side just as much as our own was with us

Nobody guessed our kid’s future would not be brighter than our own was, once we were done here

Oddly, the all-important economy collapsed once it destroyed the very ecosystems that supported it

Turns out not even a trace of our messy presence remained after the passing of but one geologic era