The service contract said that we had to pay again
even though they made it worse trying to fix it
No, your contract is subject to a binding arbitration with a
judge whom we alone get to choose
Technically, we owe you nothing but we have decided to cut
your charges by 20%, for one month
Why, we never dreamed our house payment could triple just
one year into our new ARM mortgage
Our investment instruments are so complicated that only a
no-strings bailout can save your world
Experts blame a computer error for today’s lengthy and widespread
technical problems
We can get you a new phone overnite but you must pay for the
old one for another month as well
Regrettably, our computerized credit model has determined
that we cannot modify your bad loan
All these other power adapters are incompatible but we can
offer you this whole new unit, at retail
Per contract, we are not responsible for our technical
difficulties resulting in your service outages
I did not understand our trading instruments so I OK’d them
based solely on their profit potential
You won’t actually know the exact charge until you get your
first bill, Oh, and it will vary monthly
Sir, the bottom line is that you must re-install everything
and all your work and settings are lost
This hot new gizmo is perfect except for this one little
piece that breaks every time on all of them
They said that it all looks fine from their end so you really
shouldn't be seeing a problem on your side
It's not supposed to do that unless you change something
else but nobody ever touched a thing here
His said he was Bill but I couldn’t understand him so he put
me on hold and hung up after 15 minutes
Their agreement says they are not responsible if it doesn’t
work or if anything else bad happens
No, I didn’t read that 12 pages of 4 point font fine print
legalese, I only listened to the nice salesman
Come to find out, that expensive warranty doesn’t cover
anything that ever could actually break
Never understood why the media ran exposés on the same scams
that they sold commercials for
His worth to the firm was incalculable so they guaranteed
him millions - even if he failed or was fired
His lawyer said he relished a chance to clear his name but
yet he would make no public statements
Their peasant’s 14 hour slave wage days making things they
couldn’t afford was hailed as progress
Though their HQ was in Bermuda and their factories in china,
their ads were all so very American
Their stock price rose upon the announcement of further
cost-cutting led by even more layoffs
He said that their unintelligible legalese was not their
scam but was required by the government
It seems the recyclers are losing money since it still costs
too much to reuse their free raw materials
She never considered what happened when she flipped a switch
so it really was no miracle to her
Though we won’t go into the details here, if you run the
numbers you can quite easily see…
This agreement states you must train your offshore
replacement to qualify for any severance at all
Even if our own experts disagree on what the tax code actually
states, we can fine you in any case
This undiagnosed pre-existing condition disqualifies your
claim and also, we are canceling your policy
Initialing here means we cannot be held liable for any risks
we downplay, ignore or don’t understand
This says you cannot sue us but it’s really just so you might
not even try if something bad happens
It actually states that we can cancel your contract anytime but you have no
way to ever get out of it
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