Israelis Invited To Build "New HolyLand®"

Hey, let’s have the Jews negotiate a sale of these so-called holy lands for petrodollars

Then they can build New HolyLand® on a land grant way down on southern Arizona border

Get their newly-unemployed soldiers to slap us up holy site replicas and patrol that border

And we won’t build no mosques and there won’t ever be no Palestinian Problem

We’ll invite all the Jews to settle out in our desert, which they should be quite used to

Give ‘em 2 years to settle things up and $100000 apiece to get out and get started here

We’ll invite the Christians to relocate their sacred stuff, too, but just to be polite

The Israelis can set up solar research labs, perfect electric cars and engineer clean coal

If we need to, we can concoct a miracle or two just off Interstate-10, to really get things rolling

Then we’ll see what kind of a paradise the Arabs can produce without either us or the Jews around

The old Israeli defense establishment can sell not quite state of the art arms to their former enemies

And the astute Jewish financiers can come up with great terms on the loans…

The Saudis can pay the tab for Somalia, Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan, Yemen and Palestine

And we can just grin as the Shiites and the Sunnis demonstrate their great love for one another

Meanwhile we’ll gain our energy independence and leave Gulf oil for their stinkin camels

We can just laugh as ISIS, the Taliban, Al-qaeda, Hezbollah and Hamas all turn on one another

We’ll have the energetic Israelis here with nobody persecuting them, for once in history

Some can go to Hollywood and others to New York to take up mass media and high finance

They’ll be free here to keep constantly reminding us all of the holocausts they’ve endured

But we’ll get their creativity, their intelligence, their energy and their, uh, forceful opinions

Let the Arabs just go ahead and do what they like with those de-sanctified former holy places

Why, we’ll get some new-age old testament messiah to walk out of our own desert

It’ll be a righteously religious complement to that other desert monument known as Las Vegas

Listen, It’s been 60 years, so you just point to any real progress or a better solution

The terrorists will just run out of holy jihadic steam without the US or the Jews in their faces

Then we can fence them off and let them work their shining Sharia law wonders, or bomb their asses

And brother, any Jew who wants to remain must sign a release form and must be forgotten forever

It’s time we declare victory in this failed Crusade by taking our game somewhere else

Let’s just get over them dirty old places in the desert that all smell like stale goat urine

Here’s a chance for peace and the opportunity to build our own profitable New HolyLand®

Let them go and turn the whole damn worthless mess into one massive failed state

And we’ll build lasting memorials here to the innocents that their foolish martyrs killed

The Jews and the Mormons can compete to make the very nicest in desert living places

We’ll save so much money on imported oil that we’ll buy back our treasury debt from china

There’ll be expensive but safe New HolyLand® tours conducted by Jewish entrepreneurs

And, the Illegales better think twice about infiltrating our southern borders once the Jews arrive